I ran into the bathroom and pulled Sammy out of the tub I see one long deep cut in both his forearms and the razor floating in the bloody water
"You'll be fine Sammy wake up!" I said in between sobs
I said as I was tapping his cheek gently
"Sammy..."
"Sammy please wake up"
After 15 minutes of trying to wake him logic started to kick in, I figured I was in denial and that he won't wake up he's not here anymore my childhood friend is gone no longer here with me even though I had a great group of friends I was alone...
Stage 1 Denial
This is just a sick prank or a dream I said to myself shaking Sammy violently
"COME ON WAKE UP"
"WAKE THE FUCK UP"
"WAKE UP!!!!"
"SAMUEL PLEASE"
Neighbor: "sweetie he's not going to wake up"
"WHO ARE YOU!?"
Neighbor: "I'm your neighbor and I live next door I heard screaming and crying so I decided to call emergency services and come see what was going on"
I burst into more tears the nice lady put her arms around me while I wept into her shoulder we were both now sitting on the wet bathroom floor
Not long after cops and paramedics arrived to take Sammy. The lady and I had to talk to a few officers
I kept zoning in out
Officer: "is there someone you can call?"
I didn't answer
Neighbor: "sweetheart they're speaking to you"
The officer repeated his question
"Is they're someone you can call you cannot stay in the house"
I whispered "I want my dad..."
Officer: "excuse me, what was that??"
I said a bit louder
"I want my father"
Neighbor: "She's talking about Mr.Adams"
She turned to me and asked
"Would you like me to call him?"
"Please" I said silently
Officer: "Please collect any belongings that you need"
The officer motioned for another officer to take me upstairs
Officer 1: "keep her calm when passing the washroom"
Officer 2: "of course chief"
She took my hand and led me upstairs there were people everywhere doing different things I stopped in my tracks although Sammy was already taken away I didn't know if I could bring myself to walk past the bathroom
Officer 2: "I know it's hard but we must move forward"
She said as she motioned for me to keep walking we finally made it to my room I got everything I needed and put it all into a backpack then I remembered
"My dog!" I ran out of my room into Sammy's when I walked in I froze to Georgie fast asleep on Sam's bed next to a paper picking Georgie up while taking the paper and putting it in one of the pockets of my backpack
As I was walking out of Sammy's room a different officer came upstairs
Officer 3: "Cassiopeia Your father is here"
I walked down the stairs Georgie was squirming everywhere wanting to get down but I couldn't let him down
Crouching down under the caution tape that's on the front door I see my dads car parked out front he opened the passenger seat and I sat down putting Georgie on my lap.
Turning my head to face my dad I could tell he's been crying and I couldn't blame him he just lost his only son
He tapped the wheel and then he spoke
"How's your mother feeling about this?"
"I dumped her in a marijuana field in Pennsylvania"
"Atta girl" he said while starting the car the drive to his house was pretty far a good hour and a half
We finally arrived to his penthouse in a different city
He led me into a spare bedroom
"I think I'm only going to stay one night only" I said while looking up at my dad
"Oh okay" he said in a sad tone he turned around to walk out I stopped him
"Wait dad I found something in Sammy's room It might be the note"
We walked out to the sitting room and sat on the couch I pulled out the paper opened it and began to read it.
It was typed down
Sam: I've been in a dark place for a while now ever since mother has gotten her new job sometimes I feel like she's not even our mother, my older sister Cassiopeia acts more like it she's way more mature knows what's best and she's always there to bring you back up when you fall down my father left my mother after he found,she's been having an affair with some dude named Richard after he left she's turned extremely aggressive towards my sister and I
That's where it all started I started to distance myself from people because I was afraid of hurt I've been like for months now and it didn't feel like it was getting any better and if I went to tell someone like Cassie or Tanya one of my closest friends or maybe even my partner Maddie I feel like I would become a burden for being sad all the time and opening cuts on my arms and legs I didn't want to do that to them so I took myself a few weeks to think and I brought myself to skip school once Cassie and her boyfriend Dylan left I continued to cry in silence until I pulled out a razor filled the tub got in it fully clothed and started to go deep one very long cut from my forearm down to my wrist the pain was unbearable then after I was done with my left I got up out of the bathroom and went to go write this note after I'm done with this note I'll go finish what I've started and I won't be here by the time you find this just know that this isn't your fault.
I love you a lot and wish you a long and happy life
Sincerely, Samuel A
I closed the note and set it aside huge tears fell from my eyes as my dad got up and left the room in tears
"I love you too Sammy..."
*The next morning*
I didn't get any sleep that night
I got out of the huge bed provided by my father collected my things and I got and expensive uber back to Dylan's house
An hour and a half later I reached his house
I knocked on the front door and he opened the door
Dylan: "Cassie what happened yesterday people said you ran out of school?"
"Sammy's dead"
Dylan stood there in shock and then he spoke
"Come here"
He took my backpack set it down and took me up to his room we sat on his bed and hugged him tight not letting go as I cried into his chest
"I should've been there for him" I said
"You didn't know"
"That's the thing t-tho I noticed the c-cuts and the weird behavior and I just s-slept on it I could've gotten him help it's my fault he d-died it could've been prevented" I said in between sobs
Dylan: "people make stupid choices and this is one it was on him and nobody else it happens and nothing can be done about it now you should'nt guit yourself over it"
Stage 2 Anger
"HE WOULDN'T BE A BURDEN IF HE TOLD ME HE WAS DEPRESSED WHY WOULD HE EVER THINK THAT IT'S SO FUCKING GODDAMN STUPID I HATE MYSELF I HATE MY MOTHER SHE CAUSED THIS I HATE SAMMY!"
Dylan: "whoa there sit down and take a deep breath baby you're just caught up in the moment and Angry"
He said as he got up and sat me back down on the bed
"Maybe you should just get some sleep"
"Maybe you're right but can you stay with me?" I said
"Of course"
I laid down Dylan positioned himself next to me I buried my face in the crook of his neck and fell asleep.
