It's Strange Love 🌷 afi MAJOR EDITING

053

A D D I S O N

I lay in my fortress full of pillows and blankets. They still smelt like him. I haven't been counting the days but I'm pretty sure I've been in here for a week.

Ivy and Nadia came up a few times along with mum and Luke. I mainly shoo'd them away just wanting to be alone. When I'd look in the mirror beside my bed I'd notice the bruises around my neck and black eye begin to seep away to nothingness.

Was it wrong to say it made me want to cry not seeing them there anymore? I know what he did was wrong, I'm not stupid. But sometimes I wonder about if I was partly to blame.

But I couldn't say that out loud.

People would never understand it. They would just say I wanted to take the blame because it was easier than admitting to myself what he did. Or that no man should ever hit a women, but I know sometimes I'd lead him on to do it. Maybe not that time, but sometimes.

People wanted me to remain the simple victim so they could continue to push all the blame onto him without guilt.

I wonder how he was. Is he okay? Is he loosing his mind? Going crazy like everyone said. Was he coming down from the coke okay? Or was he sinking into a deep depression like last time.

Would I see him if I testified against him?

Would I have to confront him?

The thought of that was too much. I almost couldn't bare it.

I guess it was because the said truth of the matter was that I still loved him.

After all he did, after all he said, nothing would change that, yet.

They say a girl never forgets her first love, I hope that's wrong. I hope one day I can go to sleep at night and not think about his hands around my throat or the smell of his cologne. I couldn't have just one of them, because Ryder was all of that. He was every last bit of who he became and he didn't care.

I look to my bedside table to see a picture of us together at the fair. My hand slides over to it, grabbing it.

Ryder wrapped his arm over my shoulder to take the photo.

I'm kissing his cheek as his cheek little grin shows.

I'm an idiot. I groan throwing myself down on the bed letting out a big sigh.

"Fuck me." I bring my hands to my now wet face.

I notice the time, 2 o'clock. Probably okay to take a nap by now. I crawl deep in the depths of the blankets and cuddle myself to sleep.

Maybe I'd dream something happier.

-

My alarm blared at 5. I shoot up groaning. Looking over at the mirror I realize I look like a bag of shit. I let my heavy feet hit the wood floor and walk over to my en-suite. I hop in the shower scrubbing away the grim and filth from the day of staying in bed. I brushed my hair and teeth looking in the mirror. I stood naked looking down at my bruised body. My rib cage looked really bad still but other than that they were mainly faded greens.

"Th-this is your body." I say calmly. It may be bruised and broke but you still love it. I haven't been able to get that part out yet. It will come with time. One day I'll look in the mirror and learn how to love myself now.

I throw on a new pair of sweatpants and a black T-shirt. Crawling back into my comfy remade bed I groan. I hear a knock on the door.

"Hm?" I question. I notice the door tip open to see Luke and Ashton.

"Close your eyes." Luke says.

"Why?" I raise a brow in confusion.

"Just do it." Luke laughs. I groan shutting my eyes. I begin to here lots of movement. I go to peek but a pair of hands quickly covers my eyes.

"Okay were good." Luke says. Ashton's hands slip away from my face as I look in front of me to see a table over my bed. A bunch of food on it, and the entire family surrounding it.

"We couldn't do Saturday dinner without you Ads." Ashton whispers slightly.

He must have noticed my dropped jaw.

I stare for a while longer thinking of how I felt.

Finally "Thank you." fell from my mouth.

"It was Ashton's idea." Mum smiles Ashton took the spot on the bed beside me. "He said how we absolutely couldn't have dinner without you tonight, and I agree. Saturday's aren't the same without you." Mum chimes as everyone begins to eat. I look to see Luke and Nadia beside each other smiling. Calum holds Ivy's hands as they eat like an old married couple. Michael is texting some girl under the table. Then I look to my side to see Ashton.

He's staring right back at me. His green eyes piercing into mine.

"Thank you Ash." I smile lightly.

"It was nothing." For a moment we were in our own little world as the rest of them discussed school events. I was taken to my own spot in his green green irises.

"It was everything." I place my hand on top of his.

"I hope it can still be." He grins slightly. I nod at his child like face. His dimples poke out like craters in the moon.

"It can." I nod.

This is a really short chapter but I thought I should update you guys on my life just because it will effect my writing.

This is my last year of high school (12+ I've already graduated)

I'm taking

University English Grade 12
German
Musical Theatre

I also work :/ this doesn't leave a lot of free time but I promise the book will be continued you'll just have to be patient 🖤🖤

Best,
R