This Is My Class - Frerard

Chapter 19: Through My Mother's Eyes.

She's always been soft and kind to me. My mother has carried me through my toughest times, and hers. There's been times when we have been dirt-broke. I resorted to shoplifting to get new clothes, meals and sometimes a birthday gift for her. I've been caught once, arrested, chased out of a store by an undercover cop, she grabbed me by the shoulder and dug her nails into my collarbone and pulled me to a halt. When my mom received that phone call... 

"Is this Mrs. Iero? Your son has been caught shoplifting, carrying 2 items found in his underwear waistband." 

I could just imagine the heartbroken look in her eyes. I failed her that day, and continue to fail her. The times got tougher, we maintained a small house and she started working long nights to feed me and keep me warm. I spiraled after being arrested, I started isolating myself from old friends, avoiding other family members on the rare occasions they bothered to see us. I started taking the little blades out of pencil sharpeners, I would cut myself in my room every night when my mom was at work. She figured it out eventually, who wears hoodies in the middle of a sweltering summer? She took me to a hospital, just to inspect the self-inflicted wounds and check for any serious damage. The day she found my suicide note is when she begged me to open up to her, scared and heartbroken. It was that day I decided I would try to stay clean, clearly I've had a few slip ups and relapses.

My abusive relationship... it ripped us apart. My mom would kick me out every few months because of my behavior, we would fight and yell in each others faces almost daily. I can't begin to count the times I made my mother cry. When it was all over, she picked me up, wiped my tears and told me my life would turn into something greater than what it was then. I think in some ways she was right, I just haven't gotten there quite yet. I picked up the slack, recovered all my missing grades and pushed myself to be a better son. She never stopped loving me, caring for me, being the light at the end of the tunnel for me. There are a million things I wish I could say to my mother, but I don't think there will ever be a proper chance. I would do anything for her...

"Frankie!! Get in the car!!" My mother yelled at me from the side of the road, right outside Gerard's apartment building, where I dosed off in a daydream. I get off my butt and run around the side of the car quickly, it had started to rain while I was thinking about all the terrible things I put my mom through. 

"Thanks mom...I'm so sorry." She didn't say anything, just pushed the wet hair out of my face and gave me a soft smile as she put the car in drive and we went down the street. We didn't speak the whole ride home, not even when we passed our favorite cafe. We would go there every Sunday when I was a young boy. Just me, mom and dad... 

"What do you want for dinner? Are you hungry?" She broke the silence with a soft tone and sweet smile in my direction as we stopped at a red light. She never questioned my rough patches, she just always supported me through them no matter how severe they became. 

"I could snack, are you hungry? Did you want me to cook something when we get back?"

"No that's okay, does McDonald's sound okay? I could go for a couple chicken nuggets if I do say so myself!" She said chuckling and being joyful, just like she always did. "They let you customize your food now! You can remove the meat from whatever you want!" 

"It sound's great Mom. Let's do it." 

And just like that, we were sitting in the parking lot, making jokes and eating our very unhealthy dinner. Mom always liked chicken nuggets, when I was a kid she would order me the chicken nugget Happy Meals. (Of course before I became vegetarian.) It felt so nostalgic, hearing her reminisce about when I would be in the public school choir and how I always dressed as Batman for Halloween, meaning all my birthday pictures from ages 2-9, I was dressed as Batman. 

Before we knew it, it was 9pm. We were heading home when my mom looked at me with a little worry in her eyes. 

"Be safe, Frankie." 

And I said nothing, I knew what she meant. We arrived home in silence and didn't speak about how I was feeling or what I was going through for the rest of the night. I know she will never pry.

Author Note: 

Hello friends! I felt very VERY inspired tonight. Maybe it's the fact I haven't had a proper nights sleep in 3 weeks or that I figured I would spice up this book with a little bit of MY story.

That's right folks, some things in this chapter actually happened to me, but not all. I wanted to make it a little more personal. I feel connected to this chapter deeply, even if it is not all I wanted to share/say. 

ANYWAY, I have been feeling a lot better, the anti-biotics for my tooth infection are working! No more pain YAY!! The only thing is, I get my root canal the day after school starts, I am returning to high school to catch up on missed credits. Lucky me. 

However, I hope you all are enjoying back-to-school and are having pleasant and positive days! 

I hope this chapter can hold you all over until the next one, things are about to get a LOT more hectic starting next week. 

Stay happy, stay hydrated, stay alive. It's worth it! <3

xoKenzie