Again | Luke Hemmings

xviii

It all happened too fast. It wasn't too long ago that Luke came back into my life and tried so hard to get us to talk. Now here I am, waiting for him to come over. After that little talk we had, we decided that it would be best if we took things slow.

The mixed feelings I have for him bubble up inside of me and I want to pop it all away. Sometimes I hate him and sometimes I don't. I try so hard to push myself farther and farther away from him but there was always this part of me that would bring me closer.

The doorbell rings and I look around to make sure everything is in place. This is going to be the first time Luke and I are actually going to hang out. As friends, of course. I want everything to go smoothly. If the gods agree with me today.

I hesitate to open the door but when I hear another knock, I swing it open.

I still can't believe any of this.

Luke stands on the opposite side of me, drenched and holding a box of pizza.

"Why are you all wet?" I ask.

"Because it didn't just rain a few minutes ago." He says sarcastically.

"Sorry." I roll my eyes. I didn't even notice the harsh rain pouring outside. I guess that's what happens when you're too busy trying to impress someone.

"I'll get you some clean clothes." I tell him.

"No, it's okay. I can just take my shirt off."

"No-"

He takes his shirt off, revealing a very toned body. I felt my feet glued to the floor. He's very hot. I force myself to look away and proceed to get him spare clothes. I think I have some of my mom's really big shirts that could fit him.

I dig through an old box containing all the clothes and pull out a big black shirt. I managed to find boxer shorts and sweatpants. I'll let Luke decide.

I walk back the livingroom and see Luke looking at my baby pictures on the frames. Déja vu. Only this time, he is shirtless.

"L-Luke." I clear my throat. "You can wear these for a while."

He turns to me, "Thanks."

He starts to strip off his pants. No matter how much I want to see him do this, I need time to clear my head. All of this is too much and it's only been ten minutes.

"Luke." I cough.

"Yeah?" He looks up at me.

"There's the bathroom." I say flatly.

"Right. Sorry." He says and quickly runs to bathroom.

I hear the door of the bathroom lock and I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding.

"Why is this happening?" I mumble to myself and fall on the couch.

Luke comes out minutes later, now in the clothes I gave him. He folded up the sleeves of the shirt and wore the boxers instead of the sweatpants, despite the cold temperature.

I also noticed that his hair is really.messy. The faint scent of my soap filling my senses.

"I took a shower if that's okay." He mindlessly scratches the back of his neck.

"Yeah sure." I nod, moving on the couch to give him space to sit.

There was a small distance between us and we sat in silence. An awkward tension rising. I turned on the TV while he was changing so the only sounds that could be heard are from this show.

"What's up?" Luke asks.

"Nothing much. Whats up with you?"

"Nothing much."

"Okay."

"Okay." He repeats and smiles at me. And me being me, I blush.

Another silence fills the room and this couldn't get any more awkward.

"Have you been seeing anyone?" He asks.

"No." I admit.

"Why not?"

"I don't know, I guess I'm just too busy and not into those things anymore."

"Anymore?" His voice was small as he looked at me.

"W-what I mean is t-there is so much things to do like uni and work that I don't seem to have time to see anyone." I reiterate.

"Oh." He nods and looks back to the tv.

"Yeah." I nod too and follow his actions.

We didn't speak after that. Watching reruns of this cartoon show. My stomach suddenly grumbles and Luke immediately looks at me.

"Hungry?"

"No." And it grumbles again.

"Right." He chuckles and reaches for the box and opens it. My mouth waters at the sight and my stomach is completely empty.

"Here." He gives me a slice.

"Thanks." I say with a mouth full.

I reach for another slice and Luke just looks at me.

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing." He shakes his head and finishes his first slice.

I shrug and reach for my second. Half an hour has passed and the box is completely empty.

We shared small talk and I could feel the tension slowly fall.

"I'm still hungry." He whines.

"I think I have chips in the kitchen." I tell him.

"Go get it." He orders.

"You go get it." I push him lightly and he gives me a quick kiss on the cheek before walking to the kitchen.

I felt my stomach burst at what he did and he only smiled. I stop myself from smiling so I don't look mental. Especially not in front of the guy who caused it.

A loud crash sound fills the room and a few swear words coming from the kitchen.

"What happened?" I asked when I entered the kitchen.

"I was trying to make us popcorn but I accidentally hit my elbow with the bowl and the popcorn fell too."

"I have chips." I tell him and help clean up. He was quick to grab my hands and look at me.

"I got this." He whispers lowly, gently making me stand.

He forces me to leave the room and throws Cheetos my way and I sit back down on the couch.

-

It was now past midnight and Luke and I are laughing so hard. I don't even remember what we were laughing about but it was funny.

We finally calm down, eyes are filled with tears. Happy tears. I haven't laughed like this in a long time and I was surprised that it was Luke I'm laughing with.

We stare at each other, enjoying the company and silence.

Luke suddenly moves closer to me, our knees touching. "Can I try something?"

My breath is caught at how close we are. "S-sure." I gulp visibly.

He moves closer until were just centimeters apart from each other. His lips hover above mine so I close my eyes. I feel the light, soft lips to touch mine but it never happened.

I felt him move away and I open my eyes. Luke is hugging his knees together with hiding his face between them.

"I can't do it." He tells me- or himself.

"What?"

"I can't do it." He repeats firmly.

"Why not?" I ask slowly.

"It's not right." His words were muffled by his knees as he shakes his head multiple times.

"Okay." I whisper, placing a hand on his shoulder.

We stay like that for a while. The silence blanketing us for who knows how long this time.