A Serious Guy's Perspective

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Life is unfair. Everything's unfair. But at some point, this unfair life has a reason for its unfairness. Reasons that will be found as our time passes. Reasons which will make us a better person for everyone including ourselves. And only us can find out those reasons.

--

It's been 5 years since she left me. She left me without any good reason. She left me without any doubt on her decisions. I guess that's how life goes. People come and go. And it's just really cruel how some people stay in your life for a long while and soon enough will just suddenly leave you behind.

I didn't know what to do that day when she left me. The words that came out from her mouth is still crystal clear in my mind. I could still remember how miserable I am those days. How I cried day and night. How I couldn't concentrate on my work. How I couldn't eat well. How I couldn't stop overthinking through what's the real reason for her leaving me behind. My friends even told me that, "'Tol napaka-simple ng dahilan. Di ka na niya mahal." I don't want to believe them 'cause for the fact that, it hurts more than when she left me without any good reason. But in the end, they were right. I wasn't able to ask her personally if she didn't love me anymore, and she even said to me before that, "Mahal kita kaya papakawalan na kita." That phrase. No matter how hard you think of it, it's just false. If she really did loved me then why would she leave me? Because she was being unfair? Well, that's what she said. She was being unfair to me, that's why she wants to end it. No matter how hard I want to understand what she meant it was just really wrong.

Naisip ko nung una maayos pa 'to pero siya na mismo nagsabi sa kin na, "Kaya ko namang mag-stick sayo, hihintayin ko na lang na ikaw na ang mismong bumitaw." T*ngina lang. Para na rin niyang sinabi na di niya na talaga ako mahal. P*tcha. Buong buhay ko inilaan ko sa kanya. Kinalimutan ko pamilya ko para sa kanya. Pero, di ko inaasahang ganito lang ang kapalit ng lahat ng ginawa ko para sa kanya. Alam ko yung iba dun boluntaryo kong ginawa pero siya parin naman ang nakinabang sa huli. Hindi ba siya masaya sa mga ginawa ko at ibinigay ko sa kanya? Nagkulang ba ko? May mali ba kong nagawa? Nasakal ko ba siya? Alam ko hindi. Hindi ako nagkulang sa kanya. Sobra-sobra pa ang ibinigay ko sa kanya lalo na sa pagmamahal ko. Mga kaibigan ko na nagsabi, "Wala siyang masusumbat sayo. Siya ang may problema hindi ikaw." Siguro tama sila pero ewan ko. Gusto ko parin malaman kung ano ang nasa isip niya. Gusto kong malaman ang tunay na nararamdaman ng puso niya. Pero alam kong huli na ang lahat para dun. Limang taon na ang lumipas at oo, aaminin ko di pa ko gaanong nakaka-recover sa mga nangyari. Di ko maiwasang maalala lalo na pag may mga bagay na nagpapaalala nun sa kin. Pero masasabi kong kahit papano masaya na ko. Nakakangiti na ulit ako. Nakakatawa. Nakakapagbiro. Nakabangon na ulit ako kahit papano.

Ngayon, gusto ko na talagang malimutan ang sakit. Sabi nga nila, "To forget about an old love is to find a new love." Kaya muli kong bubuksan ang puso ko at iibig muli. Susugal ulit ako sa pagsubok ng pag-ibig. Natatakot man ulit akong masaktan ng husto pero alam ko at may tiwala akong, kung sino man ang babaeng inihanda sa 'kin ng Diyos ay hindi ako sasaktan na tulad ng ginawa mo sa 'kin. I guess she'll be the better one, no, the BEST one I mean. And this time I will make sure she won't leave me like what you did. I'll treasure her and make her feel more than what I showed you. But I guess you'll still be different from her. Wait, of course you're different. You were my first love but I guess she'll be my one true love.

Though I can tell you one thing. I will never forget the moments we shared together. The laughs, joys, and other positive feelings we had. You were still able to make me happy and I'm really grateful for that. Thank you for making me for a moment to be yours. And I guess everything will just be memories now. I will never forget it. You'll always be one of those people who made me for who I am right now. I'm really thankful for it. You might have hurt me but I guess that's God's plan for me to be able to become a better person. And also to make me realize that I should love myself more than others.

In the end I was still able to accept everything and move on. I even ended up thanking you for what you've done. Wala akong galit sayo, nasaktan mo lang talaga ako ng sobra. Kahit ganun pa man. I'm happy. I really am.

--

[A/N: Not all serious guys are like that okay? But at some point, 5 out of 100 is just like that. And I could tell my brother is one. I was inspired to write this because of him. He just recently had a break up so most of it was his own feelings. How he showed and told me everything was practically in there (except for the after 5 years feelings at the end hehe). I feel sad for my brother tho but I know, someday, he'll finally feel better again. :)

Anyway I hope you guys liked this. 'Til next time! (^。^)]

My quote: "To forget an old love is to find a new love. If the new love is true then the old love will naturally become part of the past. It's not that you can fall in love with someone new because you forget about the old, it's because you fall in love with someone new that you're able to forget the old. Only love can heal a heart that was hurt by love."

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⏰ Huling update: Oct 25, 2014 ⏰

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