20th December 1997 John's POV I was nervous. They were my best friends but I was still so nervous. I felt like that little nineteen-year old again, so painfully shy to talk at all, instead of the forty-seven year old I was. "John, you alright?" Roger asked and I jumped a little when he put his arm around me then nodded to cover it, "yeah, yeah... just nervous, y'know" I tried to be casual but he saw right through me.
"There's something else... I'll come find you afterwards and you can tell me" he patted my shoulder and I nodded as he started walking away, "okay" I squeaked, watching him walk away from me and my heart just hurt. It hurt for him, it hurt for Brian, it hurt for everyone. I hoped they'd take my news well... if not, I don't know what I'd do.
I straightened the collar on my shirt and ran my hands through my hair, I'd gotten it specially cut for this. It was almost down on my shoulders before but I wanted to look nice for once and chopped it all off with a bit of help from Ron and the kids. They cut most of it off and Ron used the shaver to do a bit of a shorter cut but I left the styling and all that to the professionals.
They did a great job and even offered to dye it back brown but I didn't bother, it would only be for one event so I didn't see the point. Anyway, if anyone complained then I wouldn't really have to deal with it.
Sorry, I'm rambling again. I'll shut up about my hair now, don't worry.
I was handed my old bass and put the strap over myself with a small sigh, I promised myself I wouldn't get emotional and was keeping it up fairly well so far. I checked the tuning quickly before I headed out onto the stage, looking over all the dancers getting into their places and all four of us watched the screen come down between us and them.
My head seemed to just drift off from that point and I just let my hands do what they needed, I didn't remember any of it except for the very end where we were all taking pictures together. Everyone was so happy with the performance and I was really trying but I doubted I looked as happy as them. You have a look and see.
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I don't know, I just don't think I look that happy.
Anyway, after all the pictures were done and people finally stopped fussing over us, I managed to get Brian and Roger together in my dressing room and had to down a few whiskeys to get the confidence to even speak. "So, um, I'm sorry you've had to suffer being in the same room as each other but I thought this was too important to tell you separately" I started and they both looked very worried.
"Don't look at me like that" I said quietly and both of them mumbled an apology, "I, um, I've been talking with Miami and... I've chosen to retire. Um, he said I could still do what I do, y'know, keep an eye on things if I wanted to help him out but I think I've had enough now and I'm just gonna... leave this here" I didn't look at either of them as I was explaining but as soon as I looked up, I could see they both looked upset.
