What Is Love

Chapter Forty Nine

Varun's POV

"Take me to the studio."
"Now?" Rahul asked me.
"Yes. Now.  I want to see how I can write a good song before Saturday. A song for her." I told him. He argued no further, just drove down to the studio.

"When do I pick you?"
"Don't bother. I may not be done soon enough. It'll take a long time, very very long ."

"Goodluck man." I nodded and got down the car. As soon as I entered the studio, I was greeted by a nasty Shreya.

"Varun? I wasn't expecting to see you." She said trying to rub off on of her seductive smirks on me, but she doesnt know that I've given my attention to one girl who doesnt need to try to get my attention . I walked past her, almost pushing her down.

"Varun?" Arijit asked in surprise.

"Yeah, I'm gonna be in there, need no disturbance. Not from anyone." I said to him in a demanding tone, referring to Shreya. He nodded his head and I went in, shutting the door behind me, trying to relax my mind. I drank water, then shut my eyes for a moment.

The anklets, they made wonderful noises, better than any other time,  her smile , the curve held on her bright ⁰shiny red lips was very pleasant. I looked me. Not young me, but me, being a star and all, her hands in front of her, bangles over one another,  I couldn't see her face,  but she danced gratefully,  with joy, I didn't even realize I was smiling in reality, I couldn't hear a single thing, just me , and my mystery girl. Her smile didn't fade, but each time I tried to touch her, she would disappear, and then appear behind me, she was making me go insane, crazy, I was lost in it all, everything seemed so real.

I'm your inspiration. Those were her last words, as she faded away, her smile not fading .

I woke up with her words ringing in my ears

              I'm your inspiration...

those words are really familiar, like I heard them before. I shut my eyes again, a clearer picture, ar the school, when she wanted to back out. I didn't want her to,  I know she ain't a quitter, shes is better at the planning, I'm trying to live up to standard being the  star here, trying to maintain my reputation.  Ever since I met her, I had never felt more insecure until the day I met her. She seems so perfect at everything,  I'm kinda envious of her, buy that makes me love her all the same. Her words coming repeating in my head like an echo, and the only thing I ever see is her face , her pretty smile,  the only times I ever catch her smile are the times I'm always at peace with myself. My demons seem to run away whenever I come to her.  Her words replay again, and now, the lyrics, line by line, are coming through, slowly,

if there is anything you love in this world Dhawan..... close your eyes, and let what you love cloud your mind. Write them down..... That's how far I can help you."

I had a pen in hand, the paper on my laps, and my eyes were shut, her face appeared again, 

Her hazel brown eyes...
They lighten up when that bubbly smile appears on her face
Her pink lips makes me want to kiss her all day.

The writing stopped, I went back to shutting my eyes, her smile appeared again, but then, the smile turned to a frown, they way her eyes, her beauty still grew even in anger, took me to my pad again.

Her beauty
So secure even in anger
Her beauty
Ever permanent,
Her hatred for me
Makes me love her more

Then I paused. It wasn't about her beauty anymore, it's a out her. How much she means to me, now much of a jerk I was, and how much of an Angel she is, the little things she said that mattered, my song's about her, imperfections that made her perfect, it wasn't a song now,  more like a journal, I'd fix the chords later.

I'm sorry about the way I acted to her
My insecurities took the better off me
Years after a hard breakup
Now one could fill in
Except you

You're different from them
You're reasoning
I love you
I thought I've been in love before
I thought I felt pain
But I know what love is whenever I see you

You take my demons away
You dont know that
I've been fighting them
But they disappeared the day you came to my life
I love you so much
The most painful thing
Is to never be able to be with you
All I ask for is a second chance
My darling.
That's all.
I'll change my whole life
For you

I've lied so many times
But when it comes to you
I change my whole pattern
I've hurt so many people in this world
Unfortunately you included
But I got more grace than I deserved
I've had more haters than friends
I got one thing right
When I decided to accept you
One more chance

I dropped the pen to the floor,  holding my head together, I was losing my mind, her images were flooding my mind, every single things about her, her voice, I was having a migraine,  a severe one.

I didn't realise how bad it was until I woke up on the bed in Arijit's room,  a doctor by my side, Arijit looked my way,  then back at the doctor. He led the doctor to the door, then shut the door and walked up to me.
" how do you feel?"
"Weird. That's how I feel. Where's what i wrote?"
"You're not working again."
"This isn't just work Arijit. Cant you see the lyrics? Do they look like I'm writing them for money? Does it look like I'm out to  buy my fans? How many times have you seen me take the pains to write a song for any girl, even for Shreya? Kareena means the world to me now, she's who I want to be with. All along, fans and the industry has been pairing me up with celebrities to improve our image and fir publicity stunts. I want to make my decision now. To be with the woman of my dreams, I want to be sane for once. Now , make sure to get everyone ready, I will be rehearsing this song until perfection.