Heartbreak | Patton Sanders

Chapter 1.

"I don't understand this.." Logan breathed out, a long sigh while adjusting his glasses. "What is the worth of memories if they don't spur you to make new ones? I... I am familiar with this... whole ordeal's origin, but, it is in the past now Thomas. It makes no sense to..."

"Logan, just... it's fine. It's fine." Thomas debated, looking into the books with his writing in.

They had been in Patton's room for quite some time now. Virgil was getting anxious with every second of them being in there, Roman was so enticed by all of the memories of the previous musical plays Thomas had been in while Patton was glancing at old photos. Thomas, however, was glancing through old writings of himself. For Logan and Virgil, all of this was getting out of hand.

"But if you would only just heed-"

"Oh hush, sub-astute teacher!" Roman joined in with the commentary. He didn't want to leave, neither did Thomas. Yet Logan was so eager to leave.

All he wanted to do was influence Thomas to focus on moving on, yet all they were doing were looking at the past. Looking at the past memories. Sometimes that was good. Taking a glance back, looking at the younger you. Watching how far you've come. But for a habitual worrier, maybe it wasn't always so great.

"All this because Patton can't let go of one person?"

"Logan, can you stop? Please?" Patton's voice practically cracked, his eyes filled with sadness while looking towards the Logical side.

"You know what? Fine!" Logan simply stated, shaking his head in disbelief. They weren't going to listen to him, were they? "I am outtie 50,000."

"5,000?" Roman asked, trying to understand why he had to use a number.

"5,000." Logan mocked before sinking down, leaving the others in surprise.

Patton could practically feel his own heart breaking in his chest, tightening. Did he do something wrong? He only wanted to show Thomas all the memories he had been through. Memories were always so happy and warm to look at. He blinked several times, trying to process what happened. What did happen? Logan left as fast as he came.

"Patton.. What happened there?" Thomas asked, looking towards his moral side. Something was wrong, and he didn't know what. His logical side was gone, Virgil was getting twice as anxious as he was the first time he arrived, and Patton was acting off.

"Oh, that was nothing Thomas." Patton tried to convince that nothing actually happened, just trying to focus back on the memories. "Sometimes I just get to act a little bit silly that's all- look, pictures." He turned his body around, skimming through the photographs.

"Patton, that wasn't acting silly. That was something... Much worse then silly."

"Feisty?" Patton guessed, turning his body back around to look at him. He forced a smile, his eyes filled with sadness. Hopefully nobody had realised his eyes.

"No.. The-" Thomas took a deep breath, rubbing his temples before glancing back at his other sides. "This.. Looking back on simple memories is just tiptoeing around the things that I really want to remember. But I- I can't. Or.. I shouldn't. You guys, this isn't good." His brown eyes took a glimpse of each side before looking at the spot where Logan would normally stand, out stretching his arm to nothing. "I mean, the literal voice of reason just left."

"No!" Roman cried out, shaking his head. "Love is not about reason, Thomas. Love is about taking a chance. You took a chance when you asked a guy out three years ago, and it led to you having some of the happiest moments of your life. Now, your heart is crying out to you." Roman glanced over to Patton, whispering to him. "Patton cry out to him."

"What?" Patton asked confused.

"Go on, cry out to him."

Patton let out a small screech, his face blandly confused. Virgil slapped a hand over his mouth, trying not to laugh at the fact that Patton was trying too hard.

"Now, are you just going to ignore his call or are you going to take a chance? Are you going to tell him about all the times you fantasized about him calling you? Saying that he's ready to try again? Are you going to tell him that you want him back? Because that's the truth." Roman asked, looking towards his host with his eyes purely full of hope.

"No."

"I didn't think so," Roman replied smugly.

"No, I mean. No, that's not the truth. I - I don't WANT him back. At least...not in that way. I- I don't wanna do that to him... because I love him. He was unhappy when he was with me. And I - I don't want him to be unhappy. The truth is, Roman, I don't want him back."

Roman's face dropped as he looked towards him. He was about to talk, but Thomas stopped him. "What am I doing here? Honestly. There are future shows to perform in. Future pictures to take. New things to write and.. new things to learn. I know this, I KNOW I know this... So why do I look back?"

Patton took a soft sigh, looking over at his host. "Possibly because.. it reminds you of a time where... you were happy. It's easier to stay here and try to be happy." He mumbled, pushing his glasses up as they fell down his nose, before closing his eyes.

The room made him happy. The room made him so so happy.

But why was he not? Why did he feel like everything was going down? Patton pretty much blanked out that he didn't even hear the rest of the conversation.

"It was freakin' torture, man." Virgil's voice popped up, rubbing the back of his neck.

"But it was worth it." Thomas assured his Anxiety, giving a soft smile. "I'm sure it was. Wow, okay.. When I was young, my Uncle Buck-"

"Like the movie!" Patton cried out, forcing a smile on his face."

"Yeah.. Uh, sure." Thomas just nodded in agreement, giving a short smile at his moral side.

"Say, what does Uncle Buck stand for?"

The other sides glanced at each other confused while Thomas just lightly shrugged. "I don't know.. but-"

"Because he's got little legs!" Patton giggled softly at his dad joke, yet it sounded rough. Like he had forced it on. Like he just wanted to lighten the mood, yet not even his tone could convince himself.

"You.. don't have to do that, Patton." Thomas mentioned, looking over to him.

"Do what?"

"Try to hide what you're feeling with jokes. It's okay to be sad sometimes."

Patton cracked a forced smile, looking at his host with a fake expression. "What? I'm never sad! I'm your happy pappy Patton!" He cheered out. Virgil glanced over, a frown on his face. He could see right through the Dad character, just softly frowning.

"Falsehood." Thomas stated. All of the remaining sides glanced at him with confused looks. Logan wasn't here. Was Logan still listening in?

"You said yourself. I'm at the core of a lot of your happy feelings!" Patton tried to intervene, to make his point accurate.

"You're at the core of a lot of my feelings. Happy or not."

That was what broke Patton the most.

He was affecting Thomas.

And all of this..

Was just a filthy nightmare.