July - Noah Cyrus

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I've been holding my breath
I've been counting to ten
Over something you said
I've been holding back tears
While you're throwing back beers
I'm alone in bed, you
 know I, I'm afraid of change
Guess that's why we stay the same


Two years of dealing with the same bullshit. Two years of loving someone who only gets worse as time goes by. Whenever Montgomery and I got together at the young age of 15, he was already a troubled guy. He was already a bully and had anger issues. He had already joined the wrong crowd. He still had this purity and innocence to him though. Now.. well now I don't even recognize the person in front of me anymore. He's drunk more often than not. It's more likely to find him antagonizing some poor kid than behaving. Him fighting someone is much more common than him just hanging out with friends or me. Even whenever I found out that he cheated on me a couple of weeks ago, it still didn't shock me. He doesn't spend time with me unless he wants to. If something better than hanging out with me comes up, he's going to do it. Sometimes I question why I'm still with him but it's because he's just so familiar. I'm comfortable with him in every way. That's the same reason he doesn't just leave me either. We do still love each other to some extent, I just don't know if we're in love with each other anymore. I've afraid of living life without Montgomery though. I don't know how to anymore. He's been such a constant in my life for so long now. Somewhere inside of him, I think he's scared of living life without me too. So, we just keep going on with the same fucked up routine. I was knocked out of my thoughts whenever my phone rang on my nightstand. I rolled over in my empty bed to grab it. It still feels so foreign to me to sleep in bed alone. Monty used to always be next to me. He would come over every night and stay the night, even if he had to sneak in. Now, I don't even remember the last time he actually spent the night. He'll come over to hang out for a little bit, have sex, and then he leaves to go do whatever the hell it is that he does. I rolled my eyes whenever I saw that it was Bryce calling me because I immediately knew that it was something to do with Montgomery. "Yes?" I mumbled into the phone once I answered. "Baby." Montgomery breathed out shakily, he sounded upset. "Mon?" I questioned, sitting up in my bed. I was worried because of how he sounded and because hearing him on the other side of the line wasn't what I was expecting. "I need you." He whispered and I could tell he was fighting back tears. "What's wrong, baby? Are you okay?" I questioned concerned. "No." He said as he let out a little sob. Before I could respond, he spoke up again. "My dad beat my ass again and broke my phone. I mean, he really beat the fuck out of me. I came to Bryce's but I really just need you right now." He whispered. My heart fluttered because for the first time in forever, he actually wanted me. "Okay, just come over here..." "I can't. He stole my keys. I had to walk over here." He interrupted me and I immediately felt terrible for him because his house is miles away from Bryce's house. "Okay, babe. I'll come get you right now. Don't worry." I rushed out, already getting out of my bed and grabbing my stuff. I heard him sniffling on the other end and he let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you, baby girl. I love you, Riley." He said and my eyes teared up because I hadn't heard him sound so sincere in so long. "I love you too, Mon. I'll be there soon." I said before hanging up and leaving my room. Maybe there is more than familiarity left in our relationship. And even if there's not, he needs me and I can't ever leave him until he doesn't anymore. 



So tell me to leave, I'll pack my bags, get on the road
Find someone that loves you better than I do, darling, I know
'Cause you remind me every day, I'm not enough, but I still stay


"Maybe I should let you go through my phone, then you'd finally see how easily I could find another bitch." Monty spat at me from the drivers side of his Jeep as we were arguing in front of Bryce's house during a party. We had just pulled in but we argued the whole way there. "Then do it, Montgomery! I don't fucking need you!" I yelled in response before hopping out of his Jeep and starting to storm up the driveway towards Bryce's house. "Don't fucking walk away from me, Ri!" He yelled back at me while hopping out now too, using my nickname. "I do whatever the hell I want, De La Cruz! You don't mean shit to me and haven't in a long time!" "Oh yeah? Well I don't even fucking love you at all anymore!" He yelled in response to me right away. Onlookers were watching us and listening with wide eyes. Were they finally going to get to see the end of Riley and Montgomery? "Did you hear me, Riley? I don't fucking want you. I'd rather fuck any other bitch who hits me up instead of you!" He yelled again once I'd stopped in my tracks. Even though I did start the super low blows first, his words really hurt me. I turned towards him with tears in my eyes and stormed towards him. "If that's really how you feel, then end it right now." I spat through gritted teeth as tears made their way down my face. He stood there wordlessly, his eyes wide and immediately softening. "Do it!" I screamed loudly. "Ri.." "No. You've made it clear how you feel so just cut the shit. Break up with me right now and I'll go. I'll leave you alone for good. You can do whatever you wanna do and be with who you wanna be with." I interrupted him. "I wanna be with you." He whispered and I rolled my eyes. "No you don't, Monty. You make that clear every day..." "You know I'm just bad with emotions, baby. Come on, don't do this. It's just a fight. We always do this..." "Exactly.. we always do this. When is enough enough?" We interrupted each other back and forth. I've never met someone else in my entire life who makes me feel so horrible about myself yet so loved at the same time. "Never if it means I still have you in my life. I.. I don't know how to do life without you anymore." He admitted while taking a step towards me and placing his hand on my cheek. He said exactly what I'd been thinking that he felt for so long. He just doesn't know how to function without me and vice versa. "I don't either but.. what if we should?" I questioned, whispering the end. He dropped his hand from my face and took a step back, his eyes instantly hardening. "So you wanna leave me, huh?" He spat. "Just like everyone else always has." He added a minute later in a whisper. Suddenly, I had some sense of clarity. For the longest time now, I've felt like it's only him who makes me feel like he doesn't want me but what if... I make him feel the same way? What if he spends every day of his life waiting for me to end things too? "After two and a half years, do you really still not realize how much I fucking love you?" I breathed out, causing his head to shoot up in my direction. There were tears in his eyes and it shocked me. Maybe he does still genuinely love me. "Do you love me, Mon? Honestly." I questioned and he vigorously nodded without hesitation. "Are you.. are you still in love with me?" I questioned next sheepishly. Again, he didn't hesitate to nod and this time, he took a small step towards me and placed his hand on my cheek and rubbed with his thumb. "You're the only person in this whole fucked up world that I truly do love." He admitted in a whisper, causing my heart to swell for what felt like the first time in forever. "Then why do you do the things that you do?" I asked with a shaky voice and tears in my eyes. "I don't know, baby. I really don't know but.. I do know that I love you more than anything or anyone else in this world and I can't ever lose you. You're my forever, baby girl. Remember?" He answered honestly. Maybe he's just really struggling because of how horrible his life has always been and he's taking it out on me. Maybe we're gonna be fine. Maybe once we graduate and he can get away from his dad and from these people who support his bad habits, I'll have my Montgomery back 100%. I didn't say another word, just stood on my tip toes and pulled his face towards mine before kissing him. He melted into the kiss immediately and wrapped his arms around my waist. He slipped his tongue into my mouth and I immediately gave him access. I could hear the onlookers cheering in the background but I didn't pay them any attention.. I was just focusing on this moment with Montgomery. As soon as we pulled apart, he placed our foreheads together. "I'm not going anywhere, baby." "Me either." I immediately responded before he leaned down and kissed me again passionately. Once we pulled apart, he leaned down by my hear and whispered. "Come upstairs with me." He whispered and I softly smiled before nodding and allowing him to grab my hand. As we made our way into the house, we ignored everyone and just went straight upstairs to our usual guest room. As soon as the door was closed, he was all over me. That night, we made love instead of a quick fuck for the first time in months. That night, Montgomery kissed and touched every inch of me like his life depended on it. That night, we were in love again.

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