Lost ❄️ Reddie

Letter 2

October 10, 1989

Eds,

Today was shitty, obviously. I've kind of lost myself to thoughts of you.

I haven't been to school in a few days. My mom doesn't want me far from home and I'm doing well enough in classes that it's acceptable, I guess.

Things haven't been getting better. I'm numb to everything and I don't smile. I know you'd want me to heal, but how can I? I don't know what it is, but part of my mind is convinced you're not dead and it's holding me back from moving on. I don't know why.

Is it possible you're still out there?

If I brought your body with me, would you have survived? Would you be with me, Eds?

Bev visited me a few days ago, after I missed school. She's worried. Really worried. I assured her I'm okay and just trying to work through things on my own, but I don't think she believes me.

She knows me too well. Bev might be the only one who knows about my coping mechanisms besides you.

I almost started smoking yesterday, but I knew you wouldn't have liked that or wanted me to. So, I chose to sit in our old treehouse in the woods instead. The old hammocks can still support my body weight, and I just laid there for a while, thinking.

God, I miss you. It's not good for me to keep thinking about you this much. I know I need to move on but something in my mind is holding me back. It's telling me to find you, but that's impossible.

You're dead, Eddie Kaspbrack.

I wish it wasn't the truth, but it is. I don't know why deep down I think otherwise, but I shouldn't. I need to move on, for you and for me.

Please, Eds, help me. I need a sign. I need something from you to tell me to move on. I can't sit here and let our friends crumple because I am.

It's not fair.

I keep looking through your photo album. You really are the cutest, Eds. An angel, a light. Someone that could singlehandedly end starvation and create world peace.

Tomorrow night is movie night, as you probably know. I don't want to go. It'll be our first movie night without you. I don't want to be in a room taking part in a loser's club tradition without you. I'll end up crying in front of them and that's not fair to anyone.

I know I can't skip it, though. Movie nights are something we don't skip on, right? Even if the one person I want to see won't be there? Maybe it'll be okay?

Who am I kidding, Eds? I know it won't be okay. I want you here with me. I'd give anything to bring you back. Dammit, Eds. Why'd you have to go? Why couldn't it have been me? Why'd I have to lose you?

I'm thinking of running away, Eds.

I don't want to be in Derry. Not without you. I always told you if I was to leave I'd take you with me. We'd go to California, get as far from this place as possible. I'm going to leave tonight, I think. I'll miss the losers, I'll miss your mom (not in a sexual way, don't worry), and I'll miss my parents. I'll miss you knowing that your body lies here, but I can't stand being here knowing you won't show up on my doorstep ever again.

I don't want you to blame yourself, my love.

It's not your fault. I should've tried to save you. I shouldn't have let the others drag me away. I should've fought for you, and now I'll never get the chance to tell you I'm sorry.

I'll try to move on and live the life we should've had. I know that's what you'd want.

All my love,

Richie

•••

"Focus. Find her again," the man said, focusing on the boy in front of him.

Thirteen hadn't been very well adjusted to the space he was in. He couldn't remember anything, but he knew he wasn't born in the lap he had been trapped in.

The man sitting before him had said that Thirteen was special. That he could see things that no one else could.

Whenever he woke up he was interviewed and had to say what he dreamed about. Apparently they weren't all dreams. Some of them were visions and he could differentiate.

In his most recent one, there was a girl with red hair sitting on a bed with a boy that had curly black hair and glasses. Thirteen didn't feel scared in that vision. Sometimes his involuntary visions were scary but he felt as though he'd seen that boy before and he didn't feel afraid. That boy made him feel safe.

"Find her!" the man yelled, slamming his hands into the table and making Thirteen shake in fear.

He nodded and closed his eyes, trying to see the girl from his vision. Yet, his mind had other ideas. His mind drifted to the boy and he felt himself drifting into an open space.

He was standing in a room and saw the boy scribbling in a diary with tears dripping down his face. He closed the book before Thirteen could see what he was writing and shoved it into a black backpack, along with a bunch of clothes.

The boy sobbed, picking up a photo album and sitting in his bed. He opened it and began to look through the pictures.

Thirteen felt his heart drop and rise at the same time.

There were pictures of him in the book.

He didn't know how that was possible or if it was someone who just looked like him. All he knew was he felt safe around the sobbing boy who had tears in his eyes. It all seemed familiar but Thirteen couldn't recall.

"I miss you, Eds," the boy said, the words echoing in Thirteen's mind.

"Eds?" he asked, and he was pulled from his vision, eyes shooting open.

He saw the man, who had a grip on his arm.

"What did you see? What does 'Eds' mean, Thirteen?"

"I'm not sure, uh the girl wrote it... she, uh she wrote it on a paper. I, uh, I'm not sure," he stuttered, panicked and wanting nothing more than to vanish back into his own mind.

The man nodded at his security guards who grabbed Thirteen and dragged him down the hallway to the empty room he'd spent the last week in. This time, there was a bed in the center of the room.

Thirteen sat on the bed and laid down. He hoped he would be alone for a while so he could rest before trying to find the boy again.

There wasn't much Thirteen knew, but he knew that the boy in his visions knew who he was.

"My name is Eds," Thirteen whispered to himself before closing his eyes and falling asleep.

——————

So y'all know I usually hate my work, but I'm actually really proud of this so far :))

So yay, double update for you lovelies!

I'm so excited to be working on this and school hasn't been too hard yet so expect updates somewhat frequently!!!

Let me know if you're enjoying this story!

Also, what do y'all think is gonna happen???

Have a great day/night!!!!