Shawn Mendes Imagines

Torn *

Shawn's P.O.V

I walked to the guest bedroom, hands trembling in fear as I knocked the door.

Me and Y/N had a fight last night because of how distant I've become. I kept denying it even though I was well aware that I was shutting her out, the scream match ended in me calling her clingy, obnoxious, and so many other hurtful words that I wish I didn't use.

She grabbed her pillow from our shared room and slept in the guest room, I begged her to stay, I kept apologizing, but now I realize that the only way she'd forgive me is if I told her why I was so distant. I'm not gonna like it, and I may lose her for good, but she deserves to know, she deserves better.

"Y/N? Baby open the door." I said shakily, knowing that this may be our last conversation

I heard sniffles near the door and my heart shattered, she was in tears because of the yelling match yesterday, god knows how she'll take it if I tell her.

Maybe I shouldn't....

"What?" She replied

"Can we please talk?"

"So you can throw more hurtful words my way? No thanks." She choked

"I'm so sorry baby, you didn't deserve that. Just please open the door, I'll explain everything and apologize properly." and lose you for good

I stood a few minutes in front of the door, then heard a click indicating she unlocked the door, I knocked again, not wanting to barge in with how pissed off she was.

"Come in." She rasped, and I did.

I opened the door and saw her laying under the covers, her body facing the window, away from me.

I walked to the bed, and stood, not wanting to anger her any further.

"You said you were going to explain." She said, trying so hard to hold her composure

"First, I wanna apologize for last night. I meant nothing of what I said, and I was a dick-"

"Yes you were." She interrupted

I deserved that, and so much more.

"I'm really, truly sorry. I just didn't wanna hurt you."

But I did. And I made it worse by waiting to tell you.

Silence.

"C-can I sit on the bed?"

Silence.

I walked closer to the bed, she didn't kick me off, nor did she welcome me.

"I just wanna say that I love you, so goddamn much and you mean the whole entire world to me, and I am absolutely nothing without you, if not less. You're my past, present, future and I wouldn't trade you for anything, and I am so sorry." I said, trying my best to hold back my tears

She sat up, worry evident in her eyes.

"Shawn, spit it out." She said, voice shaky

I couldn't help it, I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed her in a hug, inhaling her scent. I wanted to remember everything about her as I buried my face in the crook of her neck, biting my lip trying so hard not to cry.

She didn't pull me closer, nor did she push me away, but I could feel her shaking between my arms.

"Shawn, if you don't fucking-"

"I cheated on you." I whispered, barely audible, but she heard it loud and clear.

She pushed me off of her, and looked at me with so many emotions.

Anger.

Hurt.

Disappointment.

Confusion.

Sadness.

Betrayal.

"Y-you what?"

"Baby she meant nothing-"

"I don't care whether she meant nothing or not, I don't care if it was a mistake, I don't care if you were drunk or not. You cheated on me." She cried, trying to process the given information

"Y/N I'm so sorry, please forgive me." I sobbed

"You cheated on me." She said, trying to get it through her head

"Baby please," I said, grabbing her hands trying to stop her from going insane

"You cheated on me." She said, talking to herself. She yanked her hands out of mine and buried them in her hair, tugging at her roots.

"You cheated on me." She whispered, tears falling

"Baby stop." I cried, but she didn't reply, still repeating the same sentence

You cheated on me.

"I'm so sorry baby, please forgive me. I promise not to do it again." I cried

I waited for her to calm down, and she finally did 10 minutes later. Her bloodshot eyes slowly looked into mine.

"When was this?" She asked, voice stern.

"Baby-"

"WHEN WAS THIS?!"

"The night of my birthday, with Camila. We were making out for PR, then things escalated after I got so wasted-"

"You waited almost half a year to tell me this? You've been distant for 7 months-"

"I felt so guilty! I-"

"Maybe you shouldn't have cheated on me, and with Camila of all people."

"Honey, please. It was a one-time thing-"

"You don't get it, do you? This wasn't supposed to even be a thing let alone a one-time thing. I'm done." She said, standing up and walking to our- my room.

She packed everything she could carry in her suitcase while I begged her to stop and stay, tried to get her to give me another chance.

"You brought this upon yourself. We had something beautiful, Shawn. You threw that away, not me." She said, headed for the door, and I followed her, still begging.

"Don't call me, stay the hell away from me. And don't worry, I won't ruin your career and tell anyone if that's what you're worried about, just stay away from me." She said finally before throwing the keys on the counter and walking out.

They always tell you to follow your heart, but my heart is torn into two, one part wants me to fight for Y/N, not give up on us. The other is telling me to respect her wishes, let her be happy with someone else.

Which part do I follow?