the 'p' words.

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*this poem may be a little rated r*

my feeling of anything has gone

because now all i feel is numb.

except for this pain that

rips it's way through my chest,

leaving me to bleed and cry all alone on my bathroom floor.

the blade lay across the room, begging me to just cut a few more times.

and i give in because i'm weak and haven't felt anything for the past two days and i just need some sort of feeling. anything at all.

you bring a different feeling.

pleasure takes over when you kiss my neck and leave bruises prominent for my friends to see. they'll ask me what i've done with you and tell me that i'm a filthy, little whore.

but, darling, i'm only a whore for your hands that grip my hips in just the right way and your back that feels so great under my fingertips.

i'm such a whore when you groan my name over and over in my ear and take a few more swigs of beer to make the experience even more extraordinary.

i'm such a whore when we're fucking in your beat up, old bentley, listening to matty healy sing the words of our position. because we are higher than a kite and lost in this unforgettable bliss.

this 'p' word is much more safe than the other. although, after the pleasure you give me, all i can think of is pain.

you may have left me in pain from our rough nights on your couch or the one time you wanted to try out a kink,

but this pain has me reaching for the bottle of anti-depressants to calm my thoughts of you leaving. nothing hurts me more than the idea of waking up alone with a clean neck and no soreness between my legs.

i may even take a few too many because i want to go back to the numbness.

that's all i know, all i've ever known.

but you'll find me before anyone else and you'll fix me up with a dose of happiness and caring that i can barely feel because of this haze i call my barrier.

you'll see the pain written on my wrists and thighs and you'll take pleasure to a whole new level by giving me something i've always wanted.

a feeling that doesn't start with the letter 'p'.

j.s.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

hello sunshines.

i'm pretty proud of this one.

hopefully you all understand and it's not too confusing.

and if you know who matty healy is then i love you a thousand times more than i already do.

goo nighh x

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