The night I tried to kill myself it was overcast
I sat on my balcony smoking a cigar
I don't smoke
It was just my last chance to do something I don't usually get to do
She was asleep in the other room
So peacefully I could hear her breathing slow
She has no idea
And honestly it's better this way
I turned the notifications off on my phone
Even though I was lonely
I just wasn't ready to say goodbye
I played shot for shot
Two pills for every sip of alcohol
Surely I was going to lose
Even though I was going strong
My vision began to blur
And my heart beating fast
My thoughts were all a mess
I was think about as clearly I could see
When I hit the floor I felt myself falling asleep
Knowing that if I closed my eyes it would be the end
A part of me was scared
Even though my body was at peace
She took me in her arms and sobbed
She prayed and begged for mercy
She got me just in time
I guess I wasn't ready to say goodbye
YOU ARE READING
gas station flowers
Poésiecoming of age poetry by a queer young adult writer. navigating relationships and the coming out process. peak inside the mind of a young woman with a mental illness.
