Luigi's Stoopid Mansion

11. Toad's Toilet Trouble (And Flirting with Fortunetellers™️)

With the singing done and the petty arguments made, Luigi turned back to his surroundings, which as you recall was a dim dark maze of hallways. Gloomy candles flickered from high moldings every several yards, stretching out the red-carpeted hallway before him like in that other horror movie I can't remember.
The moment he realized this, the horror of it all finally sank in.
"WHAT ON NOT-EARTH IS THIS?! WHERE AM I??"

Author: This is Luigi's Mansion™️.

Mansion: WRONG!! This is Luigi's STOOPID Mansion. If this were actually Luigi's Mansion you all would be reading a 200 thousand word novel right now which contains much more angst and much less poop and sarcasm.

Author: Available on my Wattpad for $00.00! ;)

King Boo: NO ADVERTISEMENTS!!

Olimar from Pikmin: ....(whistles nonchalantly)

(Those of you who get all that, bless you.)
Anyway, now that the practice area is over, it's FINALLY time to get this place hopping!
...

Luigi: Practice?? Then what do you call what I've been doing this entire time??!

Author: I don't know... PRACTICE!!

Since this is supposed to in some vague way represent the game called Luigi's Mansion™️, we are going to begin by sticking VERY faithfully to the age-old formula.
That means Luigi's going to walk around in a maze of dark hallways for the next five hours. (Cue beloved classic music.)

Ghost #7: Oh, uh...

Author: *facepalm* Well, the ghost screwed up again. Enjoy our stoopid tracks.

Luigi grabbed his flashlight and began creeping creepily down the creepily classic corridor. In a Mansion, whose hallways will become so beloved, that Nintendo will be forced to make more than one sequel to ensure that people get enough of the creepily beloved vibe.

Mansion: ARE YOU FEELING THE VIBE, LUIGI?!

Luigi: NO! YES! LEAVE ME ALONE!!

Mansion: And actually the sequels don't even matter, because no other mansion on not-earth can hold a candlestick to MY vibe.

Author: That's legit, considering the tragic backstory I have planned for you.

Mansion: Oh please.

Luigi: Gasp! Did your older brother have to spank you too??

Mansion: ....Idiot. I don't even have a backstory yet.

Author: Just wait...

Mario: Backstories are overrated.

Author: SHUTUP MARIO YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO BE HERE!!

Ahem.
"Welcome to Luigi's Ninja Mansion," Luigi narrated, holding his flashlight in front of him like a lightsaber as he slunk down the hall. "Last time we saw the destruction and torture of the hillbillies at the hands of our resident psychotic scientist. We now drop in at the start of Episode 2, where our handsome hero and his talking roadmap plunge into the depths of a dark, unforgiving abode who has a nice tenor. What will happen?!"
Mappy groaned from his pocket. "Ugh, you are not seriously broadcasting your own TV show again."
"So what! You just broke the fourth wall!" Luigi scolded. He took his eyes off his path for one second to do so and promptly smacked right into the fourth wall (that is, the south one). He toppled over backwards and ended up on the floor for like the twenty-eighth time this fic.
"Who's breaking the walls now, genius?" came Mappy's muffled reply from below.
"Not me!" Luigi replied. "Seriously admit it, if I could break the walls this game would be so much easier!"
"Sure," Mappy agreed. "Take a bazooka to the locked door over there, and we'd find your little friend in ten minutes."