What the Heart Needs - JiKook

Chapter 7 - He listened

I tossed and turned all night. The bed felt so big without him. I did what had to be done; as it stood, we would never work out. There would only be more pain and stress on the road ahead had I stayed with him, but how was I going to survive without Jungkook? I have been in love with him since we were young. I can still picture that cute little 15 year old kid in the practice hall who would follow me around, praise my every move and keep me motivated. He saved me from myself, but apparently, I wasn't enough to save him from himself. I failed him, and then, I abandoned him. No, I tried! Didn't I? Did I try hard enough? I don't know. I miss him. I keep looking over at his empty side of the bed. Stop it Jimin, give it time and then see how you feel. Just go to sleep damnit. If only it were that easy...

I woke, thinking it was morning, but the house was silent and no light shown in through the window. Staggering out of our... my room, I wandered out into the living room, being careful not to get too close. I watched for a moment, taking in the sight of him sleeping. He was all over that couch, I guess he had trouble falling asleep, too. The blanket was hanging off him and the pillow was almost on the floor. In his arms... is that my Chimmy plush?? No, mine is still in the bed. I just saw it when I woke up. When did he get that one? It only served to strengthen the ache in my chest. I missed him so much. I wanted so bad to run over there, wake him up and hold him close, kissing every inch of him. Before the tears could form too much and take over, I wiped my face and went back to the bedroom. How was I going to do this?

When morning finally came, Yoongi had come to check on me. I slowly opened the door after his knock, afraid it would be Kookie. The moment I saw him, I almost broke down.

"It's okay, Jimin.", he hugged me, walking us to sit down on the bed.

"No it's not! It's my fault! I broke up with him! I just abandoned him! He's gone and I did it...", I cried into his shoulder.

"It's not your fault. These things happen. Jungkook couldn't get a handle on himself, and it's not your job to be miserable just to keep him happy."

"I wasn't miserable!", I lied, Yoongi knew better and quickly corrected me, "Okay, fine. SOMETIMES I was miserable; I still loved him!"

"I know you did."

"Do."

"I know, but it wasn't healthy. You did the right thing. All you can do now is wait and hope what you did will make him see his errors."

"Do you think he will? Do you think I should take him back??"

Yoongi sighed loudly, "I don't know the answer to that. I wish I did. I wish I had better news for you, but Jungkook might not even know the answer to that yet."

"I love him... this hurts so much! How am I going to do this? We live together, we sing together! We are always around each other and we have fans to smile for. How can I do it? How will I be able to see him every day and still smile?"

"I don't know that either, but I'm here if you need to talk; we all are."

"They all know?"

"It wasn't hard to figure out when we woke up to find Jungkook on the couch. The moment Namjoon approached him to ask what happened... he started crying. He didn't have to answer, we knew."

"He cried? That makes me feel worse..."

"Of course he cried! His heart is broken. He loves you too, but even so, he needs to do some growing up before he's ready to handle a relationship again. Fucking around with each other is one thing, but you are talking long term, end game... He's not there yet, even though he might think he is."

"Maybe I shoul-"

"You should do exactly what you did, and stay put. He will either miss you so much it forces him to take a good long look at himself, or you will both discover that it wasn't meant to be."