London Boy

Chapter 6

Walking away I hear a chair scratch across the floor then hear Kennedy say "I got this. Stay here Spidey." He laughs as I walk into restroom and shut the door. A few seconds later she opens the door and finds me sitting on the floor.
"T, what's up? What happened?" She asks shutting the door and sits beside me on the floor. "I'm scared." I say tears filling my eyes. "I know babe but you can't keep letting the past take over you like this, it's not fair to yourself or that boy out there who is obviously crazy about you." She says rubbing my back. "I can't handle what happened last time happening again, I just can't. He's so similar, but the feelings are so much stronger and it's been less than 12 hours!" Tears streak my face and she continues to try to calm me down. "T, you deserve happiness. You deserve to fall head over hills inlove with someone and if that person is Tom then let it be. If it's not, you always have more time. I don't want you crying everytime you develop feelings for someone. Tom is a great guy! Give it time. Give yourself a chance. Give him a chance." I lay my head on her lap as more tears fall from my eyes as I think about my past relationship. The last guy I dated, Tyler, left me heart broken in a way I don't think I'll ever recover, it's torn me apart and ruined every relationship I've tried to have since. A soft knock sounds on the door before its opened up. I sit up quickly and wipe my eyes. "Hey- is every okay in-" he stops mid sentence when he notices the tears staining my face. Mascara running down my cheek is not very attractive. "We will be out in a few minutes." Kennedy says. He looks at me with a confused look on his face "I'm fine. I promise." I say to him, he nods and walks out with a sad look of confusion. "You need to talk to him." She says as soon as he shuts the door. "What am I suppose to say to him? How can I tell him that a guys I dated 5 years ago has fucked me up so bad that I can't even be with a guy without having a mental break down. How do I explain what happened!" I say tears rolling down my cheeks again. "He likes you! If things continue, you tell him your fears, your worries. Everything. You want him to trust you as much as you trust him." I know she's right. It's harder than it seems.
I clean my face off and wash my hands. Kennedy went back to the dinning room a few minutes ago leaving me to gather myself. When I walk out of the restroom I see Tom sitting on his bed his head in his hands. When he notices me he looks up and jumps off the bed. "are you okay? Did I do something?" He asks in a worried tone. I take a seat on the bed. "No not you. I just... I don't know this day has been so much. So much good. And it makes my anxiety fly through the roof. I haven't had an easy relationship history. My last relationship messed me up in ways unimaginable." I say tears escaping my eyes. "Please don't cry. If you need me to back down I will. I can come on a little strong sometimes." He grabs my hand and rubs my knuckles. "It's not you. I promise. Your great. A little too great. It scares me. My feelings for you that have formed this quickly so strongly, scares me." I say wiping the tears from my eyes. " I know what it's like. I had a really bad break up a few years ago, well she was my only break up, but it was bad, I still have moments where I think I don't deserve happiness and that I won't find it. But tonight when I seen you, something just clicked, I was instantly drawn to you and I had to talk to you. And I'm glad I did. Your an amazing woman. Your funny, sweet and you have an amazing personality. I wanna keep getting to know you. But I want you to be comfortable. I want you to feel the way I do." He looks up to me and I smile shyly. "I know what it's like to have anxiety take over your thoughts. So I'm gonna do what I always do in that situation. I'm gonna leave-" he notices the pained look on my face "not like that, I'm not giving up on you. Im just now getting to know you and the feelings I already have are way to strong for me to just ignore, but I know you need time and space to figure those feelings out as well as me." I don't want him to leave. But I know my anxiety is just going to keep taking over. I need time to figure it out. He kisses my forehead and walks toward the door. "Tom-" I say and he turns back toward me. He wraps his arms around me and I look up to him. "I don't deserve you." I say quietly, "No, you deserve so much more than me." He kisses my forehead and hugs me tight. I place one of my hands on his cheek. Looking into his dark brown eyes, I kiss him softly. I can feel his shoulders instantly relax as he tightens his grip on my back. When I break the kiss he leans his forehead on mine "Your making leaving so much harder." He says softly. And we both smile. He kisses my forehead and walks back to the door. He looks back to me and smiles. "Goodnight Princess." My heart melts at the nickname. He's so great! Ugh! What is wrong with me!