London Boy

Chapter 25

The sun rises way to soon and I can feel my heart sinking knowing that in just a few hours I'll be saying goodbye for the last time. When he wakes up he doesn't say anything he just holds me tighter. A few minutes pass and his phone rings. "It's Ryan..." he grabs it and answers "Ello? Yes I know. You're already making me leave early, so the least you could do is give me a few more hours.... thanks" and he hangs up. "My flight leaves at noon" he says brushing my hair off my face. I lay my head back on his chest trying to keep the tears at bay, this is going to be hard enough, I don't want to cry the entire time he's still here. "Well it's only seven, I can make you breakfast if you'd like?" I say softly. "Why don't we order something? I wanna stay right here as long as I can" He kisses my forehead sending butterflies to my stomach. I'm gonna miss this feeling. I'm gonna miss the heat that rises in my body at his touch, how his voice alone can make me feel at home, how safe he makes me feel when he's holding me. I've never felt so much for someone in my life. "You alright?" He asks kissing the top of my head. "I'm as alright as I'm going to be today." I say as a small tear escapes my eyes. He sighs and lays his head on mine. "Can I still come see you? When I can?" He asks softly. "Yea, I don't wanna just stop talking, or stop seeing each other. I still want you in my life, I just don't want you to have to worry about the pressure of a relationship. You're in the busiest time of your life, starting your career and I want you to enjoy that with out the pressure of making time for me." I say pain clear in voice as I say it, "You need to focus on yourself and figure out where your going." He holds me tighter and I feel a tear hit my forehead, I look up to find his eyes blood shot with tears running down his cheeks. I cup his face in my hands and plant a soft kiss on his lips. He sighs into my mouth and his arms practically melt around me. How am I gonna let this go? How am I going to live without this feeling? Why did I have to fall so in love with him? Why can't I just keep him. Selfishly I want to just run away with him, just follow him and leave everything behind. But I know I can't do that. I decide to shut my mind off and just enjoy the time I have here now. His kisses become harder. My hands find his hair and I pull on it just a little, his curls wrapped in my hand he lets out a small moan which makes me smile and he laughs. As I open my mouth a little his tongue finds mine and they move in-sync. I can feel the pressure building between my legs and I break the kiss causing him to whine a little. "I'm sorry. I just- I can't" He looks at me confused. "What do you mean? You can't kiss me?" He says as i sit back on the bed. "Not just that, it's getting way to heated and I can't sleep with you then let you leave me. That would hurt more than you just leaving." He smiles and pulls me to him. "As much as I would love that, I couldn't do that to myself or you. Leaving someone Im inlove with is hard enough." My heart sinks at his words. I don't want this end. I hate this. "I fucking hate this shit!" I say jumping off the bed. "Why does this always have to happen to me! Either something bad happens or I get left! It never fails!" I cry into my hands. "I know this whole thing is mutual but it doesn't make it any easier!" I add. "Baby I never said it was gonna be easier for you. Trust me I know your hurting. I am too!" He says wrapping his arms around me. "I wish I knew how we could make this work. I wish you could just come with me. I wanna be selfish and take you, take you away from everything and keep you to myself but I know I can't do that! I wanna be with you. God do I wanna be with you! But this long distance shit is fucking hard!" He cups my face in his hands. "I miss you every second of every day! I miss you even when I'm with you. I think about you all the time. Hell Harry said he was gonna start a fundraiser by making me pay $1 every-time I said your name, or looked at your picture! You're all that's ever on my mind and all I ever wanna talk about. I've never felt like this before. So I don't know how to handle it. And your right, we are both on two completely different paths and we both have careers and families, but I just I don't know if I wanna lose this because of all that." A small tear runs down his cheeks. "I love you Tara, I'm ridiculously madly fucking inlove with you." He smiles then kisses me softly. "So what does this mean?" I ask. "Well you said you wanted me to find myself without the pressure of a relationship, so I say we cut the middle man out and just do this as we can. I come visit when I can, you come visit when you can. We talk, text and FaceTime whenever and just play it by ear. We don't have to consider ourselves 'together' but I don't want to see anyone else. You're my girl. And maybe when we figure out where we're going, we figure us out then?" "So basically do what we have been doing? Tom you just said that it was too much for you. You just said you didn't know how much longer you could do it for?" I say slightly annoyed. "I know I said that, but the pain in my heart just thinking about breaking up, hurts way more than missing you when I'm not with you." "I don't know Tom. I just need a little time. We are so hoped up on hormones right now. I agree with seeing where it goes. Let's just give it time." I say sitting back down on my bed. "Ok. Time then. I can do that." He smiles and pulls me off the bed. "I'm only here for a few more hours, so let's order some breakfast, and just enjoy the rest of the time we have." He says wrapping me in his arms and plants a kiss on my forehead.

We ordered breakfast from grubhub and even ordered some Fries and Queso from the Mexican restaurant my brother works at. After we eat Tom takes a quick shower as I clean up the apartment. When he gets out he packs his bag up and we settle into the couch watching Pretty Little Liars on Netflix. Tom admitted to starting the series after we watched a few episodes in Vegas. He's on season 2 and they just found out Mona was A. "There's no fucking way!" He screams which makes me laugh. "I didn't see that one coming!" He laughs. "Trust me it gets way more intense." I saying laying my head on his shoulder. He wraps his arm around me and kisses me softly, " I love you Tara" He smiles. "I love you Thomas" I laugh and he kisses me again.

Around 10:45 Kennedy comes home and finds us cuddled up on the couch. "Lazy Sunday i see?" She laughs flopping down on the chair. "I wish" Tom says frowning a bit. "He's leaving soon" I say sadness clear in my voice. "What' why? I thought you weren't leaving until tomorrow night?" She asks confused. "Duty Calls" I say sarcastically. I look up at him to find him trying to hold back tears. "But it's okay. We will be okay" I say hoping to reassure him and hoping I sound more confident than I think I do. "I was hoping you would ride with us to the airport? I don't think I'll be okay enough to drive back" I plead to her. "Of course. Let me go change and we can go!" She walks past me and pats Tom on the shoulder.
When we get to the tarmac Ryan has a small plane waiting for Tom. I get out with him and grab his bag from the trunk as he says goodbye to Kennedy. We walk toward the plane, tears staining my cheeks the entire time, he stops and turns to face me. "Oh baby don't cry" He says wiping my tears. "I'm trying but I can't help it. You're not even gone and I miss you." I say crying into his chest, he lifts my head and cups my cheeks in his hands. "No matter what, no matter how long it takes, I'll always love you." He says kissing me softly. "We are doing what we need to do, for now" He says trying to reassure me, "I gotta go." He kisses my forehead and wraps his arms around me squeezing me as tight as he can, it's almost painful but I don't want him to let go, I wanna stay wrapped in his arms. He kisses me softly, "I love you Princess" he smiles. "I love you." I say and he kisses me one last time. He turns around and walks toward the plane still holding my hand, when it drops I feel the air leave my body. I feel completely empty as if my soul just ejected itself. I can feel my heart physically breaking. A few minutes later I feel arms wrap around my shoulder and Kennedy walks me back to the car. Tears rolling down my face. I don't know how long I can take this. It's only been a few minutes and I already feel like I need him again.