one way letters

Chapter Seven

Dear Alexander?

            Surprised was an understatement of the century the moment I read that you... answered back. Well I thought Wes, answered back. After reading your letter, my anticipation withered down until I don't know what to feel anymore. Now that you confirmed that you're totally not Wes. I don't know what to think, really.

           I wanted to cry because I really thought... Wes answered me back and for a second I had this image in my mind of you finally coming back, that you just had to do some shit that you aren't supposed to tell me. I wanted to smack myself continuously because I had hope, he will  answer me back but my expectations are now gone by the wind. I wanted to come find you and slash your body parts into pieces because after five bloody months, you only decided now to tell me that I was sending my letters to a wrong person.

           However, what would my actions would do? Wes wasn't still here and it will never change a thing. Except for the fact that I will stop addressing this letter to Wes but to Alexander.

           Naturally, I would be angry at you Alex (can I call you that?) Because fucking hell, after you read all of my personal letters, you don't even thought of sending me a formal letter that contains your words of affirmation about mistaking you for someone else. You have five months to do that and you only decided now? If it wasn't because of my message regarding hunting you down, you wouldn't be sending a response back. While I understand you're intrigue because hell I poured every thing I felt for him in those letters, but why have you kept me hoping for too long? Why didn't you think of my suffering about him? You could have known that every letter that I sent him was my instrument of hoping for him to come back. You kept me believing, expecting, wondering...

            I felt disappointed, for the second time around. Betrayed even.

           Although, I know you wouldn't have done that intentionally but what do I know? You're a stranger to me. You even pry for my letters because you were curious. I have no reason to even write to you right now. But here I am. I'm well aware this is entirely my fault yet you can't blame me for spit fire at you.

           Alex, you're no wonder an asshole for doing what you did. I know you already know that. However, for some reason I had to thank you. First, for warning me to stay put where I am, god knows where I might end up somewhere around the globe if I continue on going. Second, for admitting that you are not Wes. You might be surprise why? because you bothered to actually answered back, if it's another person, they might have ignored them totally and burn my letters (It's better that you store them after reading them first) I gotta admit you're the nosiest person I've ever known but I admire you for saving all of them with you. Third, thank you for helping me find Wes, even if you haven't found him yet, I was still grateful. Because you're the first help I had for finding Wes.

             And lastly, thank you for your understanding. Some might say I was being pathetic and melodramatic, I mean it was true actually but I was the only one allowed to say that to myself. Well, as you can see you're the only one who understands my ordeal right now. It may or may not be saying something about your past but I don't want to pry any further. (I'm not like you) I'm kidding.

            Seriously though, even if I wanted to curse you (I think I already did?) I can't help but choose to be nice to you. You know why, Because I think you can help me find him. I may sounded desperate right now but I need you to help me find him.

           Alex, you can be some culprit or serial killer for all I know. But I trust you. I believe you're the angel sent for me to find Wes.

          I hope you meant your promise? I'm sorry, I just had this issue about promises you know. Nevermind.

          Write me back?

Serenity Rose.

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