one way letters

Chapter Ten

            She must be the strongest person I've ever known. Even in the verge of losing hope, she still consistently, constantly and continuously reaching for the ghost that detached himself from the safest hands.

           Her determination for running to a path where there was no exact direction, is admirable. Only few could only do it, even I couldn't even do it.

          I completely lost all the sheer of hopes I once had. Just because of one particular girl.

          Just like with Serenity, she deliberately left me, shattered in pieces, broken, and hollow. In that moment, all I felt was pain that I couldn't even think of fighting anymore. Although, I know she's worth fighting for I didn't have the courage to do so. To move forward because I was so fucking weak. Instead, I stayed where I am and gave up.

           I had no energy to even think about her any longer, by that moment I resort on just stepping back and reign my cowardice. I was an idiot.

           It was years ago and now, I have never been so recharge and hopeful. That was because of her letters. I read all of them with utmost interest that I even felt every single emotion attached to every word.

           It was so good indulging the feelings I once felt with someone else. The feeling of being in love.

           But I never get to compare what I had gave away to Serenity's capacity of loving. She had it full blast and oozing with distinct emotions. Mixture of good and bad ones. No one outweighed the another but I most certainly felt the message behind those. She was in love but was hurting at the same time.

            For that matter, I couldn't relate even more. I had been there and I know what it feels like being abandoned. But we handle it differently. I let go but her grip was even firmer and stronger.

             She was alone with it as well but she didn't give up. Five months already and she was still on it. While, I, on the very next day she left me, I already raise the white flag.

             Imagine that I was a man and I should be the stronger one yet Serenity contrast the stereotype. She was clearly the stronger one which was incredibly remarkable.

              While reading her letters, I felt guilty for doing nothing and prying. I was completely aware of what she aim for those letters, for Wes to come back. And that's when my head alight with idea. Help her.

               I had no idea if what I was doing was right at first but after talking to her, I felt relieved and happy that she was in need of help which I was glad to give her.

               Not only it's because I was making up for what I have done, for reading her letters but also I really wanted to help her. To fight with her. I lost my chance before to fight for something worthy but now that I saw and felt someone was in the middle of a battle, I didn't over think but jump in. I know Wes was worthy of the hope she'd given him and now I was entering the battalion.

             She will not be alone anymore, I'm gonna help her find him. I was just hoping Wes wasn't hiding intentionally because you can't find someone who wasn't planning on being found.

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