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Chapter Fourteen

              We were both inside his house and I was seating awkwardly on his couch as I watch him seated in front of me, staring at my face as if he still couldn't believe I was actually here. He was saying that since I told him it was me. He has stopped on hugging much to my dismay. He might have sense that it was too much of a friendly gesture. I mean we're friends but if he keep on hugging me every time he had a chance I would think otherwise.

             I am still not complaining though. I don't even know why I like being hug by Alexander. It was weird. We literally just met ten minutes ago.

             Maybe it was because of his easy going personality and charm. He was nice, but I still can't tell if he wasn't a serial killer.

             As of the moment, we were just letting the silence took over whatever tension that passes between us. I was looking at anything but him. He was still staring at me and I felt rather uncomfortable. Was it really too hard to believe that I was here?

              Is this all I'm getting by surprising him a visit? Being the subject of scrutiny by Alex?

               I mean seriously what is wrong with him?

               "Nice place." I decided to break the silence or else I would shrink completely at my seat.

                His eyes looks like were frozen at me and for a second I was afraid if he was stoned already. But when he smiled brightly, I was relieved.

                "Thanks, do you like the interior design?" He asked waiting for me to answer. He crossed his arms on his chest, constricting his muscles.

                  "Absolutely. It was impressively built. It was beautiful." I answered honestly.

                  His house were like one of those houses I've seen on fancy commercials. It was almost perfect, it was obvious that he has a lot of money to own a house like this. I could have sworn I saw an expensive painting hanging on the wall.

                   I wasn't surprised at all though. Alexander looks loaded once you caught sight of him. And it was surprisingly neat for a guy. Well I'm a girl myself but I'm not tidy af. Go figure.

           "I'm flattered. It was actually my design."

             My eyebrows arose.

             "You mean this was your idea?" I twirl my finger around. "Wait. You are an interior designer?" I assumed.

              His eyes twinkle I was almost blinded.

               "That I am."

                No wonder, he was drowning by money. For all I know interior designers are being paid a lot. And I guess Alexander was apparently one of them. Nice.

                 "That's cool." I praised although cool doesn't really say much. Shouldn't I say amazing instead?

                  "So, how are you?" He then asked changing the subject. Now that he did it, he must have itching to ask me that question which kinda explain why he kept staring at me. Maybe.

                   "Good." I curtly said. Not really up to expand what I was feeling right now with all I've been through. But then I realize that Alex must have been feeling as wreck as me. He hadn't known Wes but he knows enough to actually care for him. He was that likeable even if you haven't basically met him.

                  "How about you?" my voice softened and I fight the urge to ask if he was mad at me for disappearing.

                 It was clearly exhibited that he doesn't show any sign of remorse towards me but I still can't help to think that he was. It was a shitty move for me to do after all.

                "Good." He echoed my answer.

                "Oh."

                Pregnant silence.
  
               "I'm sorry about what happened to Wes." He suddenly spoke, his voice straining as if he did mean it.

                A faint smile formed on my lips, my eyes wandered on the floor for a minute pondering over and over again how will I properly address his concern.

                 I couldn't think of any right response, instead I resort for the same phrase that I had given to lots of people before.

                  "Thank you." I croaked.

                 I don't know why I have been thanking them after an apologetic greeting, I just thought it doesn't say much for them to comprehend how it affects me so much if I say anything else.

                 Thanking them, made sense anyway. I was grateful for their thoughts, prayers and concern for him.

                 I couldn't say It's fine because in all honesty it wasn't fine at all. And no one is fine especially me.

                 It hurts but I hadn't shown it to anyone. My entire feelings towards it. They don't need to see how extremely broken I was. They wouldn't understand it anyway. Only Wes understands the way I am but now that he's gone, I don't know if I'll ever show someone my vulnerability. How weak I was inside contrary to my exterior.

                 I haven't cried a single tear in front of people. And I think it will stay that way. I cried my eyes out whenever I was alone but it only lasted for a while then I would stare into space and my tears seemed useless. He wouldn't want me to cry over him.

                He wanted my smile, my laugh, my twinkling eyes that resembles joy. He doesn't want me to bawl my eyes out. Since then, I tried so hard to repress my tears to come falling.

                So far I was handling it alright, keeping everything all in seems to hold it together. I seem to held it together, I guess.

               "It's okay to cry," a voice echoed in my ears causing my head to jerk up and I was greeted by a concern eyes looking right at me.

                I frowned, finding him funny for thinking I was about to cry. I almost laugh but I stopped when a substance slowly rolled down my cheeks and falling at my clenching hands that I hadn't realized I was doing.

                I followed my tear like it was the weirdest thing I've ever seen.

                Then as if it wasn't enough, another fell down then another. Until I find myself breathing hard and cry waterfalls.

                 I tried so hard to stop it but it only restricts my chest from breathing that I started hiccupping like an idiot.

                 Suddenly I felt warmth engulfed my trembling body and planted my face onto a hard rock surface. It holds me into place as if it knows I would collapse any second now.

                 My nostrils smell a familiar scent and that's when everything falls into place.

                Alex was hugging me, comfortingly. Safely even. His arms wrapped around me securely like he wouldn't plan on letting go soon. His fingers were rubbing my back soothingly to calm me down and I felt his chin softly grazing my head.

                I was sniffing tremendously and I was sobbing like crazy, I suddenly felt pathetic and ashamed. My tears were soaking his shirt. I tried pulling away and croaked out apology but he only held me tightly.

               "Ssshh, it's alright. You're okay." He whispered. With that, I stopped fidgeting and find myself lost in his arms wrapped around me.

                I never felt this safe before, it almost felt like this is what I needed. Almost.

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