Tears of a Angel & Screams of a Demon

My Pain#12

So I wrote this rap song for one of my Ex cause she really left me fucked up it's titled "The Shattered "

I see myself in a mirror with a smile that I use as a disguise to hide my true emotions n sometimes the stress gets the best of me n I cry from the inside have demons locked in mind that whispering my life doesn't worth anything n I should stop trying got suicidal thoughts n try to run from them but what's the rush eventually they'll catch up to me n I'll have to stop n face the consequences of my decisions thinking of them now why did I even do them

My mind is a mess my dreams are shattered it's so fucked up cause u say it's my fault when I did for u ur lies of deceptions was the hunter n my heart was the prey we both were victims of this cruel game of love so I guess it's ok I've been through this trauma before so I'm numb to the pain my eyes are made of glass so I easily see through fake people they say death is the end but u know what's worse living a lie ur entire life n that hate has turned ur soul immortal so it's too late to die

I might seem alright by my outside appearance but truth is I'm walking around with a bag of scars I feel like to check myself into a mental institution for a vacation so I can slowly regain stabilization of my mentality cause I'm tired of these medications sometimes I   sit in the dark reflecting on what I lost who I became now n who I was people said I was worthless n that really resonate with me deep in my thoughts but I thank them for that cause it brought out the best in me

When I was with u It felt like I was on drugs I was high flying in the clouds but now u'r gone left me under a umbrella of doubts lately i was lost on a trip to my loneliness but my feelings found me so I take a flight back to my consciousness now I'm at home now it's so sad to see how our love turned to hate I try to fix us but u weren't willing so all my efforts went in vain but now we're separated so I drink gasoline to burn all of my memories but it didn't work

Now I think I'm stuck with them n I know u try to do the same to find somebody to replace me but it didn't work out ur way n like a disease ur memories of me starts to fight back n u know it's hopeless cause there's just no forgetting me ur conscience weighs heavy when u reflect on all the times I tried so hard to make u happy n push all the things aside that was messing up ur mind u find a lot of guys that doesn't give u the love like how I gave u mine

But u try to be a big girl n try to make it work but every time u try to smile for a split second u see my face then start to cry n ur man ask u what's wrong n u say something went in ur eye but u know in ur fucked up heart u'r lying cause I was the one that was running through ur mind now that man has gone left u cause he finally saw through ur disguise that u just don't love him now the pain for u becomes too unbearable to suppress to the point that u'r sick of trying

U know u really had me fooled I took u for my world but in ur eyes I was just someone u could use but in a way I'm to blame should have saw through u from the first day we met when we were together all I did was worry when u started pulling away sometimes I wouldn't hear from u for days n when I ask u what u were doing n where u been staying all u did was complain till it turned to a argument I would wake up each day wondering why I still cared  but all along I was trying to please a bitch looking back at it now I was so stupid cause losing u then was my biggest fear

I know I should of left u n be done with it but some how I think you'd change so I kept holding on till one day u told me to leave u n find someone else but I didn't knew how to move on n I try to make ur lies become truth so I remained naive till I lost my self because of it people would see us n say we look good together but they didn't know what was going on my love for her was running on fumes cause the fire it once had was slowly being diminish n now in the end it's completely extinguished

We used to lay together n talk about how crazy it would be to have a baby living the way we were then neither of us was working so that thought of having a baby just remained a maybe u were a greedy hore that wanted more than any human could possibly give I just graduated from school n couldn't find a job n u still said I'm lazy I never loved a girl so much so I tried so hard to accept u n ur flaws I had to change my lifestyle n put myself second to please ur selfish ways

At times you'd even insult me saying I'm a child n that I don't know what's wrong from right but I wanted us to work out so I tried my best to not say anything for us to fight so I try to bury my pain somewhere deep in my heart never to find n the more u hurt me was the more I dig till I ran out of space in my heart so I turned to my mind just to add to a collection of shit I try to hide up there that I've been through looking back at us it was just time n patients I invested that in the end was just wasted.