Tears of a Angel & Screams of a Demon

My Pain#11

So I've wrote a rap song few days back its called ("Tears Of An Angel")

The pressure on my life is so immense sometimes I think it's caving in with me got so much things on my mind I went to church to ease it but fuck it there's no saving me I feel like I'm on a destination to the wilderness cut off from every communication but I like it cause it's teaching me determination to get pass the challenges life has set for me my life is a mess I'm only hoping someday I'll get be a dad so my kids can sit on my lap n I'll laugh just to show that my life wasn't all that bad sometimes I dream that my life is elevating then I wake up with a bag of mistakes around my head I'm suffocating
then I reminisce on all the times I tried love but just like a plant without water it died my ex was poison n she poured all of it in her affection as a disguise so I'd drink it her kisses was like a viper so I'd always get paralyzed so she can be with another guy during that time but deep down I know she was broken from the first day I met her but she stays quiet pretending as if she's coping then one day she left me just when I thought she was actually mine n that really left me shattered revenge was the only thing on my mind nothing else mattered till one day I got over her I'll leave her to time cause eventually we'll all die that's why I don't waste

time on love anymore I'll just fuck some bitches then I'll leave them I have no strings attached I don't think I'll ever meet my match my hearts been torn apart so many times but thankful it's always being recycled I'm trapped in a maze with a monster I've created from pain that I can't hide from i don't sale in friendship cause the passengers on it can easily be divided everyday I feel like I'm drowning I can feel a black hole inside me destroying everything I love my heart is surrounded by darkness n I think I'm slowly succumbing to the rage n hate that I'm suppressing my mentality has been so compromised I don't even trust myself anymore the
reason I keep trying is cause I want to be that one candle in the dark that is shining we live in country with a corrupted government every time I watch the news there's always people dying I have to stay focus on my journey cause when I die I want to leave a legacy so my kids can say daddy wasn't shit cause he left this for me I never give a person my all cause I know they won't give me back the same courtesy a lot of people out there wish me the best as long as I don't do better than them I don't take handouts cause that's just a way for them to have something over me in the end some people think I'm a idiot that can't

see through their play pretend they use mind games on me but I break out of it to let them see my true strength I'm a fugitive running from my feelings that was locked up in my loneliness that I called a prison i reflect on my afflictions I've made a lot of regrettable decisions outside the world is a beautiful place but inside my mind is the end of days feels like I'm falling from grace I met a girl that instantly became my crush I spent a lot of time with her till I finally had the courage to tell her my affections then she destroyed my world when she told me I'm just her friend sadly I didn't know my time with her was coming to an end
but somewhere inside me I know I should have left her alone long time ago but I thought given time she'd some how come to be mine so I try to hide it but I had time to think n reality hit me hard that she's just not meant for me she's broken in so many ways and she creates distractions trying to hide it but I see through her walls she's always falling in love with guys that in the end always hurt her but she refuse to see that no other guy will love her the way I do so she repeats the same cycle lately I feel like I'm dying cause depression is getting the best of me sometimes I look at myself in a mirror n for a split second that mirror

becomes a sea n I look at my reflection in the water but it's blurry n suddenly I can't breathe then I snap back to consciousness only to find out it's my own hands around my neck that's choking me sometimes I just need to get away I go on the hills looking at the sky I don't know what to do I'm just so hurt my heart is abused n my mind is so confused I start reflecting on my life of some good n bad memories that I had I had ex n to now call her ex that just makes me mad cause out of all the girls I've been with she was the best one I ever had but the distance was the issue that kept us away from meeting each other
n I promise her one day I'll get to see her but everyday that promise just got harder till she started saying I'm lying but our love for each other was strong so we tried to fight it but we know eventually we'll drift apart but still we tried to hide it we both stayed over the phone crying cause we know our love was dying n the proof of us never seeing each other gotten too evident so we stop trying till one day she found someone else but I remained waiting on a next but I know I'll never find a another like her cause she's one of a kind that's why I'm losing my mind I just wish I could turn back the hands of time so I could push harder to see her

n maybe she'd still be mine my life is a movie n I'm the star to be a successful nigga in life that is my part the start of it is my upbringing facing the challenges in life that was set for me n living with people who say they mean me well but truthfully they wish death for me coming to the end that's where everything would be decided will my dreams come of life or will my struggles just be in vain my destiny is a mountain of ice I have to watch of every step that I take cause every move that I make another piece breaks n I know if I fall all that I've worked for would be lost sometimes I sit by myself n look deep inside my soul feels
like something is missing cause I don't feel whole I was busy searching for someone to love me when really I needed to love myself I wonder if my trials in life happened for a reason n if all my disappointments happened so I can have a steady head to help me prevent that last mistake that would bring me to my death my life is already complicated as it is n people still tryna fight me they use down talk to try n break my confidence but their words didn't phase me I was home alone
feeling lonely n down I n look to some people for company that I'd do anything for them but they refused that's when I knew I was on my own n that led me to go deep in my thoughts never to depend on anyone else but myself n even around my family I still feel lost n lonely inside feels like I'm going out of my mind nowadays I'm wondering if my future is really mine or I'm I just living a lie.