Tears of a Angel & Screams of a Demon

My Pain #14

This rap song is titled "Devil's Grip"

Now some people see me but they don't know the pressure I'm facing each day life is a maze you have to be careful which way you take but sometimes you can't be sure it's right until you take it remember the pain remember the hate you felt in life don't run from it face it embrace harness it till you need strength then you use It I always talk about reality and the way I view life but my perspective of it is different from others that's why most times they say I'mma mental case

Y'all keep talking about my life your curiosity in mine has become so contagious now I'm interested in yours you wake everyday judging other people when your life's the worse you walk around everyday acting like everything's alright and say you're fine when you know you're lying your parents are on the brink of separation they even file for divorce now you go in your room and hide in the dark thinking it's all your fault at day time you go out with your friends you used to walk at the front but now you stay behind cause it's like you're in a nightmare that won't seems to end

You see in this life we all play a part some can be big and some might be small some of us wake up each day thinking our lives are just wasted and we have nothing to gain by living so we live the rest of our lives getting drunk in a bar we poison our motivation with mistakes and stifle our faith with doubts praying we don't see tomorrow so we won't have to repeat the same toxic cycle too scared of the bible too afraid of which chapter verse will change us

You fell in love and started fuckin now you're pregnant excited to have a baby that's great 9 months past and your child has been born now everyday is a battle constantly fighting and arguing with each other for financial support regret starts weighing on both your faces cause you didn't know how heavy the price was for raising a baby you turn to your parents for help now they start lecturing you about your careless decision that has left you in this position

But they refuse cause they warned you now you're on your own feeling lost and confused cause life didn't turn out to what you expected but your boyfriend was fortunate to find a job and rented a two bed room house it seems ok for a while but then the misery started he starts coming home late with a already conjured up lie till you couldn't take it no more so you waited up for him one night then you ask him why he said it was a hard day at work but you know he was cheating next day he got home from work home early only to find a note saying you left him

In life i take every mistake as a lesson so If I get the same tests again I'll know how to pass them most days I sit alone wondering if me coming into my parents lives was a blessing or a curse will I die trying to make a difference in this life or will I spend the rest of my days trying in vain I don't know what's worse what is living each day if you wake up not feeling alive yh it's so sad cause I can't escape from my demons seems they're my only friends cause they never leave me

Everyday it seems like the walls around my reality is caving in think I'll mistake a road for my back yard so I walk out in it and a car would kill me I've grown accustomed to the feeling of having nobody around me that really loves me i use the emptiness as source of comfort in my times of darkness that swallows me each time someone hurts me and my loneliness as a reminder of all the fake people that abuse my trust and used me then I cut them off just when they thought everyday would be the same

Call me names say I'm stupid and I'm talking crap you think your words will depressed me anymore than I am my life is hard but it's ok each day I'm slowly hanging with my own self hate I'm so damage and about to break don't trust anyone neither myself went for therapy therapist themselves need therapy doctors can't help me every night I sit stressing which medicine to take 
I no longer can feel myself numb to the heart breaks been in love but never real love feeling good each day that's not a average in my case

Seems I'm committed to doing the wrong and addicted to my flaws feel a sense of relief when I'm lost see in life we always get confuse when thinking about what we want and really need sometimes we dream of goals that we never score there's been a constant battle since creation between the rich and the poor we all want what we never had and that's so sad I grew up in a poor background that wasn't my choice but I have ambition so I will not idle I've always been motivated by people saying I won't make it in life and watch the shock on their faces when I pass their expectations

I see friends come and friends go free will and change is all apart of being a human yh it's just the way it goes what God has in store for us no one knows I ain't gon lie sometimes I feel to sell my soul just so I can sleep at nights the screams of my past get so loud I don't know what I'm living for feels like someone is shooting me everyday with bullets made of doubts my head's not shaking but my mind's spinning mistakes from my past they weigh heavy some situations I try to forget but my memories just won't let me

If you had one chance to go back in time and change something would you take it knowing there's a risk of using your mind there's a lot of people out there that made wishes that came true that they wish they hadn't karma is a bitch that plays hide and seek in everything you do that can't be stop when it finds you we all have secret we keep locked up inside
but trust is the problem that keeps picking the lock some people lost themselves over things they can't have but wanted the most till it leaves them bitter and cold then along the way they find themselves asking whether it's worth it or not.