Southern Gothic // Joshler

9. Sky

Self harm / abuse / suicidal ideation / church themes 

Tyler didn't leave his room for a week. Josh didn't come around to try and make him leave. His mother didn't speak to him for the first three days that he was home after the repentance ritual, if it could even be called a ritual instead of a punishment. She grew worried after he didn't leave to eat or drink, and, her motherly instincts getting the best of her, tried to give Tyler food and water, to no avail. 

After three and a half days, Tyler finally drank, just enough to coat his lips. He almost vomited from the substance entering his body. He cried for four hours straight afterwards.

Four days in, Tyler found a razor blade in his room that he used for shaving his chin. 

Five days in, Tyler carved a crude attempt at a cross into his arm. He nearly passed out from the blood loss.

Six days in, Tyler punched a hole in his wall and convinced himself he broke his fist. That night, he ripped open the wounded cross on his arm to ensure it would scar.

On the seventh day, he left his room at six in the afternoon. He tripped going down the steps. He smelled of piss and body odor, and his mother gagged when he entered the room.

He took his first shower in a week and sobbed to himself in the shower as he sponged the dirt off of him. His arm ached and he was fairly sure infection had set in as he gingerly washed the scabbed up, red skin surrounding it. 

He didn't leave the shower for over an hour, until his mother forced him out. 

Tyler refused to leave his room for two more days after the shower, until he finally broke down screaming and crying in his room. He forced himself out of his room and down the stairs, outside into the bleary world. He didn't tell his mother where he was going as his bare feet padded down the sidewalk, trying his hardest not to fall over as he ran. 

He needed to see Josh. 

His mind was too fuzzy to even walk straight as he ran into the road, turning right at the intersection by his house so he could get there faster. It was drizzling. Tyler couldn't remember the last time it had rained. It had been years. 

He was convinced the sky was crying for him as he ran, raindrops blinding him as they fell into his eyes. The cool water on his skin was burning, such an unfamiliar sensation that he recoiled at each drop. 

Josh's house came into few after running in silence for a few minutes, and Tyler ran up to the porch and began to bang on the door.

Josh's father opened the door after ten seconds of incessant banging, staring at Tyler with angry eyes. "You have a lot of nerve coming here." 

"Please," Tyler didn't know whether it was teardrops or raindrops running down his face. "Let me see him." 

They stood there for a moment in uncomfortable silence before Josh's father moved to the side without saying another word. Tyler bolted past him and up the stairs, skidding to a halt as he reached Josh's door. Tentatively, he slowly opened the door.

Josh was sitting on his bed, back to the door frame. He was hunched over, knees to his chest.

"What do you want," Was all he said. 

"Josh," Tyler started, slowly stepping into the room and closing the door behind him. "I missed you," 

Josh held up his right hand, and Tyler froze in place. It was meant to be a stop gesture, but all Tyler could stare at were the three fingers looking back at him. 

"Don't you fucking dare." 

"Please, Josh," 

"Fuck you," Josh spat out, ripping around to finally face Tyler. He had a healing black eye, and Tyler wanted to burst into tears at the sight. "Fuck you, Tyler,"