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Crowley: I don't like singing in front of people.

Aziraphale: But you clearly have no problem with talking.

[A/N: This quote is from a class. Crowley was an immature student and Aziraphale was the teacher. That was a fun day...]

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Shadwell: I have skin in the back.

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Mr. Young: So I put my child on my head?

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Pepper: Hey, did you know Adam is gonna kill the universe?

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Crowley: Eyes are terrible at hearing.

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Aziraphale: Don't stress yo'self: express yo'self!

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Aziraphale: You can choke before, you can choke after, but you can't choke during!

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Brian: It's crunkling!

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Aziraphale: You know it's almost summer when kids start talking in circles.

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Brian: I need the circles.

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Pepper: No saliva!

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Crowley: I shipped two spiders in a gay marriage but then Sal died. How dare he.

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Aziraphale: I'm platonically engaged!

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Crowley (to Aziraphale): You look like an emo flower child.

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Crowley: I walked into the bathroom and became an emo.

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Pepper: I was an unconscious lesbian.

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Adam: You should play the orphan and I'll play the attitude boi.

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Aziraphale: I am literally and figuratively a man of many hats.

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Aziraphale: Why do people go to church? Because they believe there's a magical dude in the sky deciding our every move. And that's why there's no thirteenth breakfast burrito. But there's a fourteenth breakfast burrito, so we're okay. Thank you, Lord Baby Jesus.

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Adam: What's the opposite of senior? In all honesty, my brain kept going, "mustard". But isn't mustard the answer to everything? Oh, right. I have homework.

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Brian: Why does my finger hurt? Oh, right. I stabbed myself with a pencil.

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Pepper: It's your fault my brain doesn't work.

Wensleydale: Uh, why?

Pepper: How do you expect me to know? I blamed a dog on me not taking my allergy medicine. You can't make sense of it.

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