Aziraphale: I aggressively origami.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Crowley: Stop controlling how many beeps I have!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Brian: ARE YOU PROUD OF ME I JUST LEARNED HOW TO SUBTRACT AT THE AGE OF SIXTEEN
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wensleydale: You have a good nose for that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aziraphale: Listen to God and scratch your door.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aziraphale: I am God... of sudoku.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Crowley: There are three stabs!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Brian: Does anyone want to smell my melon?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aziraphale: I'ma shake my bamboo.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aziraphale: In my defense, I only ate six cookies!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Brian: I only wear one sock daily.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Crowley: *Holding a five dollar bill up to Aziraphale's face* How does Abe smell?
Aziraphale: Like he's been in the pockets of thousands of people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Newton: Everyone shut up, I'm trying to seduce this woman!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shadwell: I will only do that if you give me some of that cheese.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gabriel: I am the DM, Aziraphale. I am God, and you are an ant.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shadwell: Okay, we've established that the old lady is kinky, right?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shadwell: In the chaos, can I steal a lantern?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shadwell: I eat the bush.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shadwell: I like sleeping in weird places.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Beelzebub: *Stands at the front of the table* I want you all to look into my eyes. *A beat* I will kill you all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Crowley: As we all know, God is a two-faced, selfish prick.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Crowley: *Lying on the floor* I'm fine down here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Warlock: I wanted to stab someone, okay? Leave me alone!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Crowley: *Very politely* Excuse me, how many people did I stab?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aziraphale: I'm bros with God.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Brian: I didn't know I could flick that hard!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Warlock: I'm on stabbing duty.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gabriel: This wizzy boi is not your Wizzy Boi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Crowley: *In a very load voice* Can I slink off unannounced?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aziraphale: This dove is much better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Warlock: Hey, Kyle! Pose in front of those dead bodies!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Crowley: Is Kyle the pimp? No? Is the viceroy the pimp?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Crowley: WE SPARED KYLE AFTER WE SLAUGHTERED HIS FRIENDS!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aziraphale: Crowley, no flirting!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Crowley: John from high school got murdered.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pepper: Everyone was in your fraternity ward!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Crowley: Let's go to sleep in the tavern next to the pile of dead bodies.
YOU ARE READING
Incorrect Good Omens Quotes
عشوائيRankings: 2 in #adamyoung on 10/15/2019 6 in #anthonyjcrowley on 9/30/2019 9 in #beelzebub on 10/31/2019 40 in #goodomens on 9/30/2019 Incorrect quotes inspired by Good Omens! Every quote is something someone said that I know personally unless other...
