Fallingforyou // Matty Healy

All Things Must End Part 2

Matty's POV

I hadn't taken heroin in 3 days now, Bea had been gone on a business trip for the band and I didn't want to let her down. My mind was busy so I tried to keep it occupied by being in the studio.

When she got home, I don't know what had happened to me. I just felt an urge to hold her close to me, the old clinginess I used to have returning but she seemed to appreciate it.

I knew, however she could tell something was wrong. She just seemed to understand and I loved her for that but also I didn't want her knowing I messed up the first few days.

We were catching up on the last few days we had missed with each other when Jamie rang. I reluctantly answered, him speaking quickly "There's a party I need you to attend this evening, it starts in an hour so be ready."

"Do I really have to be there, like yeah I know I'm the frontman but have you seen George's bone structure? Send him instead." I try and convince him, Bea giggling at my words to which I grin back.

Somehow I ended up agreeing and that's where I was, sat in a booth in some club in Central London with Muse's hand in mine.

I had only met Slaves a few times but they were good lads, especially nice to not only invite me but the rest of the lads who were somewhere on the dance floor.

Tonight was hard for me, I can't lie. Being in this setting and not being on something was one step closer to an anxiety attack. I don't know when I had become so reliant on the drugs but it happened and I was fucked.

Muse and I socialise, going to grab a drink and have a dance with the other hundreds of people on the dance floor. Ross was soon coming over to us and shouting over the music "You want to make a move?"

"What time is it?" I question back, having lost track.

He looks down at his watch and squints "3 in the morning, am fucking tired not too sound old."

I turn to look at Bea who looked as tired as ever, I nod at Ross and he guides us through the crowd not without stopping to congratulate Isaac and Laurie on our way out.

A taxi comes, dropping Ross home first and then taking us home. Once we got inside the flat, Bea falls straight to the mattress in a sleep driven state and I can't help but smile at how precious she is.

I was too awake to sleep, I knew that if I lay down with her I would just end up keeping her awake for the rest of the night so standing I stayed.

She rolls over onto her side and looks up at me "C'mere?" she asks softly. I frown at her, shaking my head softly.

"Gonna head to the studio, got a spare key that G made me have. I'll just keep you up otherwise darling."

Muse nods tiredly, I bend down and let my fingers flatten the flyaway hairs atop of her head. I press a gentle kiss to her forehead before sighing "I love you, Muse."

"I love you too, Marty. Be safe." She mumbles back.

Initially I had taken the route to the studio, I had every intention of writing a new song but I bumped into Jace and he wouldn't let me leave without giving me something.

Maybe because it had been a few days since I last did it, or maybe it's because I have no fucking clue what he gave me and what I'm putting into my body but I felt chaotic. I had too much energy and I felt invincible and even though I knew I'd fucked up, I didn't care.

It had been 40 minutes I think, walking the streets aimlessly whilst the high kicked in. Even though I tried sobering myself just enough to not go home, I somehow found myself outside the front door.

I stagger in, knocking down the vase next to the door causing a loud crash. "Fuck, sorry. My bad." I murmur out before walking in.

The flat is quiet, Bea is asleep but she stirs when I walk in.

"What're you doing? It's like 5am, come to bed M."

"I want to do something fun, like climb the London eye." I laugh at my own words as if I'm the funniest person alive. Drugged me is another person.

Her eyebrows furrow together before I see that light click in her eyes "What the hell Matty?" the desperation clear in her voice.

The one person I didn't like letting down was being let down by me but instead of acting rationally, I decide to make it worse.

"What the hell what? Stop nagging me."

"Please just come to bed and sober up. I won't say anything just so I know you're safe, c'mere." She pleads.

I feel my head shaking, my rational thoughts gone now. I needed a fight. I needed to feel something.

"I'm getting sick of your constant opinions on what I do. You're my girlfriend not my wife, or my owner. Fuck off and live your own life."

Bea's mouth falters "I try and live my own life and then you just come and fuck me all over again with blaming it on me."

"Have you ever thought that you are actually the problem with it all." I say before I even think of what I'm saying. I know then I've taken it too far.

Her eyes lose their spark, she shakes her head and gets up from our bed. "I don't know why you have to be such an asshole all the time when you have everything you've ever wanted. Stop pushing people away, stop pushing me away. All I do is support you."

I stare at her "I don't need your support anymore. Leave. We're over." I say pointing too it as if I'm not fazed.

"Remember when we were kids and you woke me in the middle of the night because you had a nightmare about a monster taking you from me. You've become that monster now and you've done that not me."

My heartbeat slows at that, my mouth turning even more dry. I watch as she packs a bag and walks to the front door, slamming it closed behind her.