Ring Me Alive ✔

T W E N T Y F O U R

I haven't seen him in two years. I've been counting each day, hoping—waiting—for him to come back, waiting for some freak accident to reunite us again. 

I texted him, but he never responded.

There was nothing from him. Complete radio silence. I never found him, no matter how much I tried to. I looked him up on what seemed like every site and every app and I still couldn't find anyone even close to him. it felt like he was a ghost.

I never even got to tell him how I felt.

I couldn't stand it. Every thought was about him.

Everything I saw, I would think back to him.

Everything I did, I thought about him.

He could never leave my mind. Every day while awaiting the trial, I thought about what it would feel like if he could sit next to me, holding my hand in comfort and shooting me a goofy smile and cracking bad jokes at the wrong time to dispel my discomfort. Or coming through my dreams, pretending to do what I suspect regular teenagers would do. hit a fair, watch a movie, go to an arcade.

And now, I would never know. grandma already got me back my cell service. she wasn't happen when she found out i had a phone from grandma, and she took it away before I could tell george anything.

but it didn't matter anymore, did it?

because he was gone, thinking i was dead. i almost wanted to laugh but even that was painful. here i was on a regular day, daydreaming and obsessing over someone i didn't even know the face of, let alone anything tangible besides our trauma.

i didn't want to know if he thought about me anymore because the possibility that he forgot about me was unbearable.

Was I enough? good enough to be remembered?

Did he ever think of me?

Did his head ever fill with the thoughts of me the same way my head constantly swam with the very imagination of him?

Probably not.