👑 || Queen of Hearts

l o s t

The mirror in her hand didn't lie; if anything, it reflected Spinel's pain better than anything else could.

She was in Steven's room, examining an almost unrecognizable Gem. This was not a spinel she beheld, but rather a twisted off-color hoping to pass as such. This was a Gem who had felt despair, remorse, betrayal; who had stood in place for thousands of years, eagerly awaiting the return of her best friend...only to learn, all too late, that she had been abandoned under the guise of a game.

I am no spinel, she thought, tears threatening. As they leaked from her eyes, they traced the bold black tracks which had lingered on her cheeks ever since she'd last reformed approximately a month ago.

That was the day everything changed; when Steven broadcast his message to the universe, and Spinel received contact from beyond the garden. It was the first she'd had in over 6,000 years...

The Gem snapped out of her reverie as Lapis swooped in and landed on the balcony, drops of rain rippling her wings' watery blue surface. She admitted herself inside and greeted Spinel.

"Hey, Spin! What've you got there?"

Despite Lapis's best efforts, Spinel suspected the blue Gem was still wary of her. She could certainly see why, as she had inevitably joined the ranks of the countless other Gems who had tried to kill Steven upon first meeting him. The thing that really frustrated her, though, was the fact that Lapis had done the same several years prior, and had, just like Spinel, endangered every living inhabitant of planet Earth.

The more Spinel thought about it, the more she realized how much she and Lapis truly had in common: Both had been either trapped in or forced to stay in one place for thousands of years on end, suffered insurmountable emotional anguish as a result, and been saved, in a sense, by Steven, whom upon initially meeting, they had at some point attempted to kill.

But there was a difference between them which Spinel could not refute. While Lapis had attacked Steven merely as an act of self-defense and stolen the ocean in an effort to return to her Homeworld, Spinel had actively acquired a machine designed to kill organic life, flown it to Earth, injected the poison into the planet, wiped the memories of the Crystal Gems, and came closer to killing Steven than any Gem ever had. And for what? To get even with a Gem who was long gone? To make up for 6,000 years wasted by exacting her revenge on Pink's son, whom she had never even met up until that point? A spinel had one purpose, and that was to serve as a friend. But she couldn't even do that...

I am no spinel.

Lapis sat down on the bed and caught sight of the mirror in Spinel's hand. The tool was a rarity on Homeworld, and thus it came as no surprise that Spinel had never seen her own reflection before. Figuring that Lapis would want a look at it, Spinel angled the reflective surface toward her. Lapis recoiled and politely pushed it away, inciting Spinel to set the mirror down.

"I'm sorry," winced Lapis, rubbing the back of her neck. "I have a thing about mirrors."

"It's fine," replied Spinel softly. Quieter yet, she added, "You...you don't hate me, do you?"

Lapis's eyes widened with concern. "Why would you think that?"

Spinel brushed a tear from her face and observed it as it dangled on her finger. "Isn't it obvious? I did something selfish and stupid and left it to you guys to clean up the mess! I'm just a nuisance to you all."

Suddenly, she shoved her face into her hands and let out a sob. "I should've stayed in the garden...at least then none of you would be hurting..."

Lapis placed a hand on her shoulder. "Spinel, it's nothing like that. I know how it feels to be hurt by someone...to want to take all my anger out on them. Even now, just the pain of remembering it can be unbearable. I've done awful things, but I've grown and learned to surround myself with Gems and people who accept that I'm trying to be better, and inspire me to be better. They respect that I've been through a lot, and they understand that I'm still healing. Those people don't think any differently of you than they do me, Spinel. They love you, and they want to help you after everything you've been through. I want to help you."