Save Me

|17|

Trigger warning
School had been cancelled for three weeks, though Peter didn't think he could walk through those doors so soon. He wasn't sure he could ever again. But he knew he'd have to eventually.

In the week it had been he was doing worse than ever. He tried to ignore all the memorial posts on social media, he knew that would just make things worse. He ignored all the people who were reaching out to him, trying to see if he was okay.

Some were people he shared classes with, some were people he and Ned went to elementary school with. Some were people he'd spoken to a few times. And some were people he didn't know, just walked past in the halls.

People who didn't care about him before, before they saw him walk out the building covered in blood. Or before his best friend was killed.

Peter slowly got out of bed, he didn't want to but he still did. He didn't care about still being in his pyjamas, he didn't care about the scars on his arms, he didn't care about the cold floor as he walked towards the kitchen.

He'd only been out his room when either no one was around or no one was awake. Only to get food. Even then he didn't eat much. Though he walked into the kitchen where the table was almost full.

The room became silent as he made himself a bowl of cereal and sat in the empty seat next to Natasha. He felt the eyes on him, on the scars on his arms. Part of Peter was glad he hadn't cut his arms much, part of him also didn't care at that moment.

He just ate in silence.

They all knew about the shooting. About Ned. They didn't know about the self harm though. About the scars, until now, or that he had started again. That was something only Tony knew.

Natasha began talking again, about a mission she was about to go on though Peter knew she was being careful with the words she chose. They soon all began talking again and no one was really paying attention to him anymore. Expect the odd look from Tony.

But he knew that was going to happen. He knew Tony worried more than he would show. Peter saw the look Tony gave all the others before they stood up and left the room, bringing the rest of their food with them.

"That wasn't subtle," Peter said not looking back at him again.

"Are you..okay?"

Peter knew he was asking because it was the first night since...that day that Tony hadn't woken up to Peter sleeping on the floor of his room, next to his bed.

"Sure."

"Right. Of course your not, I'm sorry kid I don't know..I don't know how to help you here."

"It doesn't matter," he before finishing his cereal, standing up from the table and putting his bowl by the sink. "I'm going to train."

"Is that really a good idea kid?"

"It'll help take my mind of everything."

Peter walked to his room and got changed out his pyjamas into his usual clothes he wore when training. He hadn't trained with any of the others yet, it didn't bother him, he wasn't sure if he wanted to, that wasn't something he had been used to.

No one was in the training room when he got there, which he was glad about.

•

Peter stopped after just over an hour, he knew he'd overdone it, part of him didn't care about that though. He walked over to where the others kept their weapons, there was no lock or anything like that on it. Everyone was trusted.

Though Peter knew if they knew the thoughts he had they'd change that. Part of him was surprised Tony hadn't done that yet.

He slowly picked up one of Natasha's guns. He held it in his hands, looking down at it. He didn't know what he was doing. Why he was doing what he was doing.