you know the drill at this point
chili pepper, on camera: 10 grand and we'll let her go.
cheesecake, who's being held hostage: wait.
chili pepper:
cheesecake: you think i'm only worth 10 grand?
chili pepper:
cheesecake, grabbing the camera: MAKE THAT 50
fire spirit: orders the entire meal in french to impress wind archer
the mcdonald's employee: sir what are you saying
roguefort: you're really mature for your age.
walnut: thanks, it's the trauma
dark enchantress: vibe check!
dark enchantress: stabs someone
lemon: grapefruit, what's a queen without the king?
grapefruit: well, historically better
orange: then what's romeo without juliet?
grapefruit: alive
gumball, holding up a paper with two images on it: lemon look i found all three differences in this puzzle
lemon:
lemon: gumball.
gumball: what?
lemon: those are two completely different pictures.
peach: do you blow on your food if it's hot or do you just hasjsahfjaafga it until you chew it down?
rebel: i hasjsahfjaafga it because i ain't no pussy.
lemon: gumball calm do w n -
gumball, banging his fists on the table: BUT HOW CAN IT BE BIRTHDAY CAKE FLAVOR IF A BIRTHDAY CAKE CAN BE ANY FLAVOR?!
blackberry: here's a tip. keep a fork with you at all times.
blackberry: if someone tries to rob you, just pull out the fork out of your pocket and say "thank you lord, for this meal" and charge at them with the fork
cherry blossom: if you feel a sudden calm, then that means i took out your voodoo doll for a picnic on a grassy hill
whipped cream, smiling: thank you
peach: what do you call a dictionary on drugs
plum: peach if you say "addictionary" then i will kill you.
peach: i was gonna day "high definition" but yours is so much better
ion cookie robot: Hi! I am Paypal's virtual assistant. To get started, simply ask me a question. I am still learning, so if I can't help you, I'll direct you to additional sources.
aloe, through tears: i got scammed
ion cookie robot: Great!
walnut: screw algebra! i don't need it, just give me the dead body and i'll figure it out from there
the police:
walnut:
walnut: i feel i should clarify that i'm a detective in the mortuary science major
cotton candy: me, flirting
cotton candy, proceeding to go up to dinosour: hey wanna year a fact about ancient rome?
sparkling: i can't express how much i hate fucking bees
cherry blossom: then stop fucking bees??? it's a really simple solution???
sparkling: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT
cherry blossom: not after the bee movie we don't
vampire: the word "nun" is just the letter n doing a somersault
alchemist: how in the fuck can anyone think of this
roguefort: i love the term "partners."
roguefort: are we dating?
roguefort: are we robbing a bank?
roguefort: do we run a legal firm?
roguefort: are we dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies and are members of this elite squad called the special victims unit suite?
roguefort: no one knows.
dj and pink, skipping stones at a lake:
pink: it's such a beautiful evening
dj, whispering: take that you fucking lake
rockstar: i'm a confident driver
kiwi: you drove us into a tree
rockstar: confidently
peach: guess what i'm about to get
plum: on my fucking nerves
rockstar: maybe hot chocolate wants to be called beautiful chocolate sometimes.
carol, trying to sleep: imma give you one more chance to shut the fuck up
grapefruit: there's no "i" in team
lemon: we know how to spell
grapefruit: but there is an "i" in pizza
lemon:
orange: i take it you're not sharing?
grapefruit: im not fucking sharing
dino: i heard you like bad boys?
cotton candy: yeah, why?
dino: the teacher said hi to me this morning and i didn't say it back
cotton candy: i'll see you at 6 pm
devil: fuck!
angel: >:000 language!!
devil: english
rollcake, ordering mcdonald's for the squad in a drive-thru: yeah, lemme just get 5 cheeseburgers, 5 shakes-
rollcake, to pancake: pancake if you don't stop eating that chair you're not getting any fries.
rollcake, turning back to the drive-thru: 5 fri-
pancake continues eating chair
rollcake: y know what? make that 4 fries
rollcake, turning to pancake: 4 fries. you didn't think i would do it, did you?
peach, texting plum: if i poured apple juice instead of water onto an apple tree would that be considered cannibalism on the tree's part?
plum: don't ever text this number again.
YOU ARE READING
cookie run shitpost oneshots/headcanons
Fanfictionno more updates! thanks for reading gang kiwi has finally reached the breaking point and died making this book of bullshit cookie run didn't deserve this (suggestive mentions but no direct nsfw so its fine- also there's swearing) (this is a SHITPOST...
