No Good Nick

Redemption Part 2

Bringing back what Molly and I lost was hard. It took a while for us to forgive ourselves for what we did to each other. But the thing is, I don't think either of us had forgiven ourselves yet. That's road for us to walk alone, though. Forgiving each other was the easy part. Forgiving ourselves is another story. The problem with forgiveness is that it needs to be earned. I don't think I earned that yet. And I just keep getting anxiety about it. My thoughts keep racing through my mind. All the stuff that I did, and the way I felt while I was doing it. I don't like that. I don't want that. I don't want to feel that way ever again. I don't want to have hate in my life. Not anymore.

Jeremy was happy that I was back. I could feel it. But I can tell he feels very guilty about what he did. He has trouble looking me in the eye when he's talking to me. I just need to find a way to make him feel comfortable around me. He's my brother. Maybe I can ask him how it's going with Eric.

Nick: Hey, Jer?

Jeremy: Yeah?

Nick: You never told me, how's it going with you and Eric?

Jeremy: Well, it's actually going ok. He's a bit strange with all his conspiracy theories, but, I don't know. There's something about him that makes me like him more than I wanted to.

Nick: More? How much more?

Jeremy: I don't know yet. Nick, he was with me through everything that happened after, well, you know. He was with me when I was in my room, trying to figure out how to stay out of the house to avoid everyone. He was with me when he made me share how I was feeling about my life. He was there when I was crying about how our family was. He, he's my first, in everything. I think, I, I think I love him.

When was talking about all the trouble I caused, my eyes started tearing up. I caused them so much pain, and they took me in again. 

Jeremy: Nick, what's wrong?

Nick: Oh, it's nothing.

Jeremy: Nick, it's me. If anyone's gonna know when you're lying, it's gonna be me. Talk to me. 

Nick: I'm-I'm sorry...It's all my fault...I, I made you feel that way....I hurt you, all of you...

Jeremy immediately, with no hesitation, wraps his arms around me. I couldn't keep it bottled in anymore. I felt like my head was gonna explode.

Jeremy: It's ok, it's ok. You're safe. You're with me now, ok? I'm sorry I hurt you too, Nick. 

Nick: You didn't deserve what I did to you. I can't-

Jeremy: You didn't deserve what I did to you either. I'm not angry at you, Nick. I want you to know that. Ok? You're my sister. I love you.

Nick: You're my brother. I love you too, Jer.

And then he continued to hold me in his arms until I stopped crying. Jeremy and I became closer. I could feel it. He wasn't just my friend anymore, he was my brother too.

Liz and I were getting along great. The two of us have a lot in common. One of the many things, cooking. Especially if it's a competition. I could tell what everyone was doing. They were trying to get everyone back in sync. I'm also guilty, so I won't complain. Another thing we have in common, is our competitiveness. The one we're doing right now is trying to see which one of us is the fastest at making a pizza while still maintaining the taste. The hard part is the wait. I have so much to say to Liz, but I always feel awkward being emotional around people. I don't know how I managed to do it with Molly and Jeremy...

Liz: Something on your mind, Nick?

Nick: No, I'm just...I don't know.

Liz: Are you ok? How are you feeling?