No Good Nick

You Can Tell Me

My dad and I had been meeting for lunch for about a week now. At first I was debating whether or not I should. But I kept telling myself. It's time to stop running from my problems and actually face them. So I did. For the past 4 days, I've met with him for lunch. We've talked about how I was doing at school. I talked about how it was being with the volunteer squad again and how it felt helping people and standing up for important causes. We've had some laughs mostly. Not a lot of deep conversations. I guess both of us are afraid to rock the boat. 

Today's the 5th time we're gonna have lunch together. I was actually looking forward to it. For the first time since everything happened between us, I feel like we can get back that connection we had once. 

Waiter: What can I get you two today?

Nick: I'll have a pizza with extra parmesan and a cola. 

Tony: I'll have what she's having. 

Waiter: Two whole pizzas? I will be very impressed if you manage to finish both.

Tony: (Chuckles) Obviously you never had an eating contest with this one. 

Waiter: (Laughs) No I haven't. Your order will be here soon. 

Nick: (Laughs) Thank you. 

Tony: Hey, Nick?

Nick: Mind if I talk to you about something? Something serious?

I look down at the table wondering if I was ready for a conversation like this. We've been doing fine so far. Then again, a boat doesn't move forward unless you rock it. I think that's how it goes, right? Never mind. It made more sense in my head. 

Nick: ...Uh yeah. Sure.

Tony: When...when I was still in prison, the last time you visited me in prison, you were asking about...your mom. And then, when I told you she was still alive-

Nick: If this is about the stuff that I said, I'm sorry I wasn't-

Tony: No, no, it's ok. I know you were going through some stuff. And you don't have to tell me now, but when you're ready to confide in me, well, I'm here. 

Nick: When...when I visited you, that day, I was on some stuff.

Tony: It's ok. You don't have to if you don't want to.

Nick: No I do. I need to be able to talk about this. 

Tony: If you really do, then you need to stop being ashamed of it. 

Nick: I'm not ashamed of it. 

Tony: Then lay it out. If you want to be able to talk about it, you need to stop calling it "stuff" and call it what it actually is. 

My breathing starts to speed up a bit. My hands started to shake a bit. I close my eyes, count to 3. Then I feel something on my hand. 

Tony: Hold my hand. 

Nick: Why?

Tony: Well, it's been proven than physical touch with someone can reduce pain. But also, I want you to know I'm here. What were doing just now?

Nick: Um, counting to 3. It-it helps calm me down. Every time I count, I take a deep breath. 

Tony: Then let's count. Ok? 

I nod. He reaches out his other hand for me, and I do the same. 

Tony: Ok, now count with me.  

Nick: Ok.

Tony: (inhale) 1. (exhale). 

Nick: (inhale) 2. (exhale). 

Tony and Nick: (inhale) 3. (exhale)