No Good Nick

Bluff

Was it insomnia, or was it my long lost memories that kept me up at night? It was too hard to tell. Wouldn't insomnia technically be connected to anything keeping you up at night? I got out of bed and made my way to the bathroom to freshen up. I had a therapist waiting for me at her office. 

When I woke up from that coma without any memories, I used to look in the mirror, and ask myself; "who were you?" like any normal amnesiac would, of course. I used to say it with such curiosity and hope. I used to wonder what had happened on my last night with my memories. I know I was shot. But why did I get shot? How did I get shot? I stopped thinking like that after I got that flashback of my parents telling me they wanted to adopt me. I didn't know why, but the guilt I felt that day, that day specifically... it felt like the guilt was eating me from the inside. Now... now I look into the mirror and think; "what did you do?". 

I got dressed, made my way downstairs to have some breakfast. The minute I stepped foot into the kitchen, the room became silent. We had an appointment to get to. My parents were expecting me. Without saying a word, I took a banana and went to the car. Mom and dad weren't far behind. I didn't say a word during the whole car ride. Maybe I was sleepy. Or maybe I was tired of my old self haunting me. 

When we reached the therapist's, mom and dad said that I needed to do this on my own. I asked them why. They said that it will be easier for me to open up if they weren't in the way. I could see it on their faces. They were also tired. I was becoming too much trouble. They deserved better. Whatever happens in that session, I was going to come out different. It didn't matter if I needed to bluff or put a fake smile on my face. I was going to make it easier for them. Maybe then this guilt I kept feeling since I got that flashback will go away. 

Nick: Why aren't my parents here with me?

Dr: Studies show that people have an easier time opening up when they're alone. Do you agree?

Nick: Maybe.

I didn't know why she wanted me alone. It didn't matter, though. I was wiling to do anything to get past whatever I was dealing with.

Dr: Let's try. Tell me everything you remember about the old you. Anything you can tell me will help us move forward. 

Nick: I remember... I remember what I've been told. That I was a thief. I was adopted.

Dr: But do you remember being that person?

Nick: Not really. I remember my parents telling me they wanted to adopt me. 

Dr: Let's focus on that moment then. Can you remember feeling any emotions in that situation?

Nick: ... I felt... guilty.

Dr: Do you know why?

Nick: No. It's been stuck in my head ever since I remembered it. I can't remember.

Dr: It's ok Nick. Let's try a different memory. Do you have anything else in your head?

Nick: Only a couple.

Dr: Talk to me. 

Nick: I only heard their voices. The first one was a man, the other was a woman. 

Dr: Tell me about the man. How did he sound? What did he say?

Nick: He just called me by my name. But he said it differently. He called me Nicki. 

Dr: Did he sound angry? Or....?

Nick: He sounded... sad. His voice didn't have any anger in it. But when he said my name... I could hear that he was upset. 

Dr: Anything else?

Nick: No. That's all I have on him. 

Dr: What about the woman?