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Chapter 15: Make Shift Graduation

Amelia's POV:

It was graduation today, but I didn't go.

I could hear mom's clattering of utensils in the kitchen, and it made my guilt intensify because I knew she was avoiding me after everything that happened yesterday.

I didn't feel like myself, every muscle in my body ached including my heart, and I wasn't ready to face anyone from high school. I knew I was weak, and took the easy route out, but I didn't have the energy nor the means to fight for myself.

When I found my parents downstairs yesterday watching TV, I silently joined them, desperate to feel normalcy again. I saw the shift in my father's face when he saw my hair, but he didn't ask about it, choosing to rather ask how I was feeling.

I said I was okay, drawing my knees closer to me on the plush couch. My skin felt sickly cold, and I pulled the throw away blanket closer to my body.

We were all silently gazing at the television screen, but not actually registering it, until mom brought up graduation, through my haze of self pity and self chastising I forgot that it was the next day. My dress, that I bought with mom, was sitting idly in the closet.

Mom was going off about how excited she was about seeing me up there on stage taking my diploma, and with every word she spoke, I felt my heart clench further because I knew my words would distraught her to no end.

I whispered the words out, saying that I didn't want to go. She laughed, shaking it off and pinning it to some nervousness and stage fright, but I shook my head and said it again, this time, my voice loud, clear and unwavering.

Her laughs died down, and so did the TV's volume. My parents both looked at me their faces mirror images of one another; a concoction of confusion, disbelief and a tinge of disappointment.

"Why would you say that?" Dad asked, placing an arm - now - around mom's tense shoulders.

I looked anywhere but at them. My soul felt decayed, eaten away by the endless lies I've lived in the last while, and I told them that I didn't have friends.

I didn't know why I told them now, perhaps because I wanted to get them off my back about why I didn't want to go, and perhaps because I wanted to minimise the number of lies I've kept from them.

The fleeting glance I caught of mom's face was enough for me to feel an intense ache within my chest, she cried.

I wasn't sure why she didn't ask further into the situation, perhaps because she always had her guesses, but hearing me voice out her concerns was an extremely harsh jab.

Dad spoke; saying that I always claimed to be with friends, he asked about Tara, too.

I was glad he asked, I really was, because it gave me the chance to look him in the eye, wear my heart on my sleeve, let my eyes seem like endless pools of emotions and say that 'I am a liar.' I was saying that for a reason far beyond them, but it gave me minimal comfort knowing that I could confess to my sins. I also said that Tara was my friend, but we weren't so close.

Dad's face was an enigma, but he looked afraid, I wasn't sure if he was afraid of me or for me.

"But graduation isn't only about friends, it's for us too. We want to see you up there on stage, you'll want to feel what it's like to take your diploma." Dad said, trying desperately to change my mind, "we'll be there, your mother and I, Damien even said he'd make it." My heart clenched harder upon hearing his name and my stomach knotted. I was sure if it was any other situation dad's words would've successfully sufficed in changing my mind, perhaps because it wasn't new for me to lay low and not mingle with my colleagues; it was the norm.