Some things can change

•chapter 7• Paper Hearts

[Magnus' P.O.V]

I watch in pain as my lover squirms, thrashes and fights this battle in his injured sleep. Squeezing his hand tighter to reassure him I'm there through every battle he fights with his demons, through every downfall into a twisting road of mental pain, through every negative encounter he endures. Just to make him feel better again, to show him he's loved, to show him he's worthy of this life he was given and fights for every single day.

Whispering sweet nothings into his ear, while I rub my caramel, manicured thumbs over his calloused worn-out knuckles. Yet the battle heightens, it becomes apparent when I witness salty droplets of pure agony fall from his beautiful eyes that never stop me from getting lost in the looks I fell in love with.

Another squeeze from my behalf only results in Alec getting more worked up, leaving him crying out for help, with a storm of tears crashing down onto his now red and puffy eyelids and already damp cheeks. The sight alone sends my heart into a breakdown, shattering piece by piece as I am left unaware of what I can do to help his practically lifeless yet thriving state.

Building up the courage, breaking down the barrier of the lump stuck in my throat from holding back my tears, not willing to cry in front of the damaged man before me- of course I have to be the strong one in this situation otherwise who's going to look after us, that's my problem: I'm the one to look after him and that is where I messed up. And now we are here.
Trying to stable my voice and stop it from quivering just incase he can hear me, I finally choose to speak up.

" I know you can do this Alec, fight your way to the surface.... once you're there I'll help with the demons, we all have them.. but some are stronger than others"

His quivering slowed but I can tell he's still struggling, the tears are still forming, still falling, still damaging his soft cheeks. The want to take all of his pain away, kiss all his tears away, banish all his demons away.. and I can't, instead I just sit here by his struggling side gripping onto his damaged hands, hoping he's holding on for dear life in hope that he comes back.
I know I messed up big time but I am unable to hold back anymore, as my paper heart rips into pieces just by watching my lover struggle so much that I am unable to help, I say the one thing I never did to his face:

"I... love you"

It comes out before I could stop myself, before I could regret anything but I no longer feel a thing. Just the pure agony that I could only imagine he is going through; my heart shattering as I pray to the angels above that he's okay, praying that I can say it one more time, to his face when he's okay again, when we are able to fight his demons together and destroy them as a team and not just him by himself- he's not worthy of that amount of pain.

As my tears dry up from the unwanted crying I did, Alec's thrashing and squirming comes to a halt, my grip tightens on his hand as I worry that this is the end, the end of his life, the end of our chances. But as his breaths become more stable and controlled everything seems to align.

Then a twitch, I thought I just imagined it, but it comes again and not on my behalf. A grumbled croak of a voice echoes through my ears despite the whisper it only came out to be..

"T-thank...you"

I turn to face his innocent yet damaged face, practically giving myself whiplash in the process but it's worth it for the sight I am given.
Thank the fucking angels for what I am witnessing, the rosy colour coating Alec's face once again, the dark long eyelashes opening up to reveal his beautiful ocean blue orbs revealing the true beauty I fell in love with.

He squeezes my hand back, faint and weak but it's there, the damage he inflicted upon himself from my actions means I'll help him restore him to his full potential and help him realise his worth. Then my tears come once again, as the truth hits that's he's alive, only slightly and not as heavy as before but he sees them, reaching out his injured arm coated in bandages towards my face to wipe away my pain, only just falling short but the pure sincerity in his smile makes up for his efforts.

Unable to control my actions any longer, I untangle my hands from his and reach up to sweep away his midnight black strands of hair from his eyes, allowing me to look into them in awe of the man before me. Using my thumb to gently wipe away the salty tears from his smooth cheeks and allowing my hand to rest there, just for a moment.

Leaning in, I watch his eyes turn to confusion unaware of my sudden actions and movements but he soon realises and relaxes, allowing him to subconsciously let his puffy pink eyelids flutter shut and relax without his mind being haunted by the demons that still live, his eyelashes are left covering the tips of his cheeks.

I follow suit, continuing inching closer to his face, pausing just before I realise what I'm doing but the dictator in my heart overrules that in my brain, leaving me creating rash but worthwhile and meaningful decisions. I am capturing his soft pink lips in a kiss, not a long over dramatic ones you see in the movies where everything seems to be all fine once they wake up-because I know it will be a long battle that we will both fight until the end before its even partially gold again. My thumb still slowly massaging his cheek. It's short but holds my love and all my regret of my actions, I move my lips momentarily to capture his bottom one pulling slightly as I leave him in a moment of pure bliss before pulling away with a smile forming on both of us.

It's been a long day for both of us, even though it was probably only a couple of hours, but before I know it Alec is moving closer to the edge of the bed as a sign to me and I take it without having to be told. I'm pulling of my embellished shoes and I'm climbing into the other side, sliding the blankets over both of our bodies and pulling him into my chest showing him I'm there and that I always will be.

Whispering sweet nothings and reassurance into his ear, because that's all he needs without the hate and disgusting words that have been implanted. I'm still stroking his hair whilst listening to his steadying heartbeat as it relaxes and his breaths slow sending us both into hopefully what is a blissful dream state now that I have my Alec back.