Wroetoshaw One Shots

The pictures of my life

"where am I?" I look around and at first I can't see anything, there is just nothing here, this can't be heaven there is no bright light for me to follow. That only means that this must be hell, but that does not really fit either because I'm not scared here, I should be scared in hell.... right?

"Hello" I say, still trying to figure out where the fuck I am, what happened to me?

Well I know what happened to me, I just could not do it anymore, I swallowed some pills, then I laid down in my bed and fell asleep. I should be dead, I think I took enough to die, but. you never know with these things, I just hope I got it right this time, the first time I tried I just woke up a couple of hours later and felt really shit, or worse than I normally feel, but I never told anyone about that, so when I tried again I doubled the pills that I took. 

Then I spot a door in one of the corners, I'm sure that was not there before, I would have seen it, but as its the only way to go, I walk towards it, I feel so wired. I thought that when you die, there would not be any of those feelings left,it would just be joy and then I could finally have some peace from my thoughts, I just can't stand my thoughts anymore, they were not healthy, they harm me, that makes me harm myself, but no one knows that either. 

You see I started to pull away from everyone, I broke up with my girlfriend, I stopped seeing my friends, and I told them that she had broken up with me, so they would give me some space, I lied to them because I wanted to be left alone and I needed a reason to be left alone, but they deserved better, I know that, and she definitely deserved better. 

"Hello" I say again as I open the door, there is just another empty room, but as I turn back around to walk out the door, there is no door there anymore, I'm stuck in this room now, but I don't understand this, why is there nothing here, but then as I start walking, I can see something appear on a wall. It's a picture frame, so I walk closer to it. 

"but thats me" I say, as I see my name above the picture and the date 

Harry Christopher George Lewis

24th November 1996

I can see a picture of me, but I've never seen this picture before, not in any photo album, its a picture of my mom and dad, with me as a newborn, the happiness on there faces is touching, they are so in love with there first born, so happy to finally have me after waiting for so long. They are both smiling, just looking at me, so little, not understanding anything yet. 

I continue walking and I see the walls are starting to form and there are a lot of new picture frames on the walls, is there a picture of me in every one of these, and are of them like the last one. 

I smile as I walk and look around at the pictures, I can see the first time that I met Rosie, my little sister, she was so small in my arms, I was only 2 at the time, about to turn 3, I'm smiling at her as she holds my finger, my parents look so proud. 

I see a few pictures of me with friends back in Guernsey and Alderney, friends that I've not heard from in a few years. 

I see a picture of the first time me and Rosie met Josh, I remember that a little bit as I was older there, I remember holding Rosie's hand as we walked in there with our grandmother who had been watching us while my mom and dad were at the hospital. 

I see pictures of us three through the years, 

Then I start seeing pictures of me with my friends, I can see us at events and pictures from video's that we have made. 

Then I can see not so pleasant pictures, I can see me in bed, crying because I feel bad, first in my old room back at the halo tower, and later my new room where I currently live. 

I can see my friends in a waiting room worried, the only one that I can't see is Tobi, but I don't understand why

I can see my family in my living room at home, they are also looking worried, I don't know where that would have been taken, but my mom is clearly crying. but someone is missing, Rosie is not there. 

Then I see a car, they are clearly on a driveway, I can see both Rosie and Tobi, together in the car, he is driving and she is just looking out the window, she has been crying. 

I can't look at more of these pictures and turn around and look at a even bigger one. I take a deep breath as I realise what I'm looking at. 

I see my own funeral but this time the picture is not still, I can see it move, I can see the casket, I can see myself in it, dressed up, but very much dead, I can see my mom, she is crying, my dad holding her in his arms, but he is crying as well, I look for Josh and Rosie, they are both there, just looking down, I can see that they are sad, I can see that Rosie is trying to keep it together, I see my friends, they've all come over to Guernsey for my funeral, I know that church, I've been there before. and then I see a girl in the back, I see the girl that I still love so much, that I've hurt so much to, I can see her cry, I never wanted to make her cry. 

I don't want to see anymore, I can't see them all crying like this, I close my eyes and take a deep breath, I can feel the tears trying to brake though. what am I doing?

As I open my eyes again I see a writing on the wall in front of me 

It's your choice now 

and as I look to both sides of me there are two new doors, one behind me and one in front of me, I know what they mean

Door 1: Is behind me, if I pick door number one I go back to my life. 

Door 2: Death  

It's should be a very simple choice, but I just don't know, I don't know if I can manage to get myself out of the depression that I've been stuck in for the last couple of years, I don't know if I can get Katie's forgiveness, or the friendships back that I've ruined, will my family forgive me, I take two steps towards door number 2, its the easy choice, I wanted that, I wanted that when I swallowed the pills, I committed to this, I should just go though with it, get it over with. 

But I can't seam to walk over there, my legs wont work, I feel drawn back to door number 1, I feel like they are calling me back, I close my eyes to block everything out and think, but then I see eveyone that I would hurt if I died, I see my mom, my dad, my grandparents, my relatives, my siblings, my friends, and then I see her, Katie, I feel my heart start to brake, I can't do this to them, can I?

..............................

"hey, welcome back" I hear someone say to me, I can't figure out who it is, I can't see anything, the light in here is so bright

"I'm alive?" I ask as i gasp, my throat hurts so much. 

"yes, we managed to pump your stomach and get everything out before it was to late, we were afraid that it was to late for a while" she told me, and that makes sense, I was in this room of pictures for a very long time. 

"who found me?" I ask

"your roommates, they are still out in the hall, they are all waiting, you have been in a coma for almost 18 hours, it was touch and go for a while" she tells me and I just nod. 

"is my mom here"

"yes" the nurse told me as she went out and got my mom and dad. I was so glad to see them, I was glad to be back, I chose life, and that was the right choice, life is always the right choice. 

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I hope you enjoyed

this is based on one of the chapters in my book faded.