Wroetoshaw One Shots

Safe me (Minishaw) Pt. 1

Harry's POV

I don't know if I can keep going, I feel so lost and confused, there is always something blocking me from being happy, I just can't make it there, I try so hard to make myself feel happy, but there is just nothing that works. I try to push myself to do the things that used to, to make me feel happy and the things that used to make me smile, but that is just not working anymore, I don't understand why that is happening, nothing happened to make me like this, I just don't understand how things can change like that, and what hurts the most is that no one is picking up on this, my friends don't care, I don't know if I can call them friends anymore, they don't care what is going on inside my head, no one asks if I'm OK. No one has asked me what is going on, they don't see that I can't do this anymore, I don't know what I can do anymore.

"Harry we are going out, are you with?" Calfreezy calls into my room

"no, not in the mood" I tell him as I'm just laying in bed

"suit youself" Cal shrugs as he just walks out, no asking why I don't want to, or how I am feeling, he just tells me goodbye and leaves, he does not even care, he never did, I have no one here that cares, everyone that loves me are back in Guernsey.

Maybe you should just end it all

Stop being so stupid

Stop acting like a little bitch

Just get up you lazy cunt

I say these things to myself as I try to get myself to get out off bed, but it's hard, sometimes it's just so hard to get out off bed, but I need to, I need to record video's, I need to make my subscribers happy, I want to make them happy, but I just can't, I just can't film video's when I'm feeling so shit about myself, I end up just going to the bathroom and sitting down on the floor, I grabbed a vodka bottle from the cupboard and I had some pills that I was ready to take, I was just ready to end everything, it was time, I can't do this anymore, I just hope everyone will understand and not feel to sad

There is nothing to be sad about, they don't care

They will just get someone better to replace you

No one is going to miss you

Just do it already, stop being so week

I think to myself as I take the first sip, it burns a lot as it goes down my throat, I take another sip, and then another, before I know it I've finished almost half off the bottle and I have not taken a single pill yet, I don't know why I have not, I'm having such mixed feelings about this, I do think it's for the best, but I also think that I don't want to do this. My head is exploding and I just want some release, I need to stop thinking, I just need to get out off my head for a while. I just grab my hair into my hands and let out a scream, I need my brain to shut the fuck up.

You wont get rid off me that easy

Who do you think you are

Just do it already, you are to week to do this

No one wants you here anyway

I take one pill and swallow it, then the second and third one follow, I drink some more before the 4th, 5th and the 6th one follow. I just can't stop crying, I don't know if I'm doing the right thing, I need some help, I don't know what to do

Finish what you started

Just do it already, take the lot

There is no point stalling, no one cares anyway

Stop stalling and do this already, you make everything so difficult for everyone. 

I feel myself start to hyperventilate as I take three more pills into my hand and swallow them all at once, but then I hear a knock on the door, I don't want to be stopped, I can't be stopped now, I feel drowsy, that is the first step, now I just need to keep going.