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EX or SUITOR

Lyn's PoV

"I'm sorry that you have to go through something like this Lyn, I never thought that your love for me can put you to hate yourself. I'm sorry because I didn't say how you love me that you have to decide for us, that I let you also go, that I found someone else after the break up between you and me, I'm sorry for everything, Lyn."

It's weekend so my friend, Wynter went over to Javielyn's Resort.

"Lyn! Snap out!" Wynter slap me hard on the cheek that my face followed its direction.

"Wynter! That hurts!"

"It's not my fault that you were spacing out." I was rubbing the part that she slapped, she handed me a mirror to check and IT WAS SO REDDISH!?

"Now tell me, why were you spacing out?"

"It's just something not important."

"Lyn, I knew you for almost 5 years of friendship and I also knew that if you're spacing you mean that you're thinking about something important than yourself." Why does Sap-Sap, even knew me more than myself.

"It's just... it's Alex, he's sorry for everything." I told her the truth but she just looked at me like in the 'are you kidding me' face.

"I'm not joking Wynter, I'm saying the truth, he's really sorry for everything he had did but I don't know if I should forgive him or not especially when I need to attend a birthday party tomorrow, it's the birthday of Matthew the boy I'm telling you who applied as my suitor."

"So what does Matthew have to do with Alex?"

"My point is that the time will come that I have to pick between the two." She just pushed me to sit down and she sat across from me.

"Lyn, if ever that time comes then choose the person who your heart is shouting."

"And what if the person who my heart's shouting is Alex?" She was silent for a minute because of the sudden impact of question that is true, I don't really know my heart still shouts him when it can be Matthew who did was just loved me for who I am and who is also willing to love me and choose me than the world that's against us.

"Then you're making a mistake I mean for me it's a mistake because he's already your ex and Matthew, the new lover came into your life, why don't you... Why don't you give Matthew a chance to show what he really felt whenever he's around you, chatting nor calling you. Why don't you try forgetting Edison for the rest of your life?"

"I can never forget some like Alex, Wynter, Alex had always been part of my life and heart, he had loved me that no one had ever loved me before and how can I forget someone who did was just loved me but I chose to let go because Marie liked her, all he did was fight for me, to think that he fought alone when he saw me with Justin." While those words came out my mouth my hands were also gesturing and Sap just looked at me, thinking of what words she would be saying to me that even if she changes the words she knew she'll hurt me within just words.

"Then why can't you try Matthew? Look if he'll ever pass what Edison had made you felt."

"But Wynter! That's a form of rebounding someone, I can't rebound someone like Matthew! Never! He's too kind, sweet, ideal type and so fragile to be hurt by someone like me, a player, had an angled face but devil inside, he can't continue his feelings for me, but Wynter the more I deny him the more my heart and mind start to shout him. I can't deny the fact that I'm falling in love with my suitor but I can't also deny the fact that I'm still in love with Alex." She just massages her face for she's still recovering from the impact and from the words I have just said to her with hand gestures.

"Lyn you have to choose between the two: Edison, your ex-lover or Matthew, your suitor. Lyn doesn't let Matthew hope to note but a game, I knew the feeling of being played and I don't want Matthew to feel what El had made Yuan feel." El had a boyfriend for 6 years but he didn't know that during those years of being together with him she was being played, she was only loved because of money. I saw her at her worst and it pains me to see my friend got hurt for her 6 years of relationship with a person who only loved her money but not as herself.

"Lyn, you can't save both but only one, I'll repeat what I said ONLY ONE, Lyn, so whoever you pick I'll support you but think about it very clearly and talk to someone who had been to your position before, I can say that you wanted to save yourself, Matthew and Alex but you need to choose one either them or yourself." If I choose myself I'll be happy with Alex but if I choose them I have to choose between the two who are precious to me already, My happiness or their happiness Which of the 2 should I really choose? Why do I even still love you Alex? What did my heart find in you that I couldn't find in Matthew somehow tell me the answer to the question I've been wanting to solve for a long period of time now. Alex why until now I still love you?

"Wynter, this is really killing my head with pain and confusion, I don't really know who to choose. All I know is that I love them but the most important question is that was that love even enough for me to choose and fight for only one person who'll be my boyfriend now or again." Wynter just hugged me and tried to comfort me for I'm on the edge of breaking down, I don't know what to do anymore, I don't know who to choose. Suitor or Ex-lover, which of the two even really? Heart? Why do you have to be soft and understanding that even your happiness, you choose to let it go before and now that happiness is back?

"Wynter there's a problem in me, right? I just can't stand on my own, I'm so weak that's why I never fought for our love, I break down easily because of the persons I love and special to me but, why do I feel so alone? Like I don't have a body to lean on, no one to cry on their shoulder, I don't feel like I have somebody Wynter." I cried till my tears stopped, she hugged me but I didn't hug back and just cried, I really didn't know I'll be doing in this situation. What will happen in my life really? I don't know when I'll become like a beautiful flower just like how I was before when I met Alex. He changed my life, I was changed by a person who I have also change, he changes my life without me even knowing what he did. I was thankful because for almost 9 months when we were together I felt free, happiness, and I change to a better me, and I did the same to him. I missed the old me, the old us but I can't make it obvious that I really do miss it, I always wanted to change myself into a better me without his help, without anybody's help but I'm tired to live like this. I'm tired of everything, I'm tired...

"Wynter, I'm tired of living like this." I was depressed but Alex was there to not make me feel the depression but now that he's gone, I don't have anybody now. I want to die. I ran out, didn't know where to go exactly I just ran till everything went black and nothing I wanted now was Death.

"How is she doc?"

"She's suffering from depression Mrs. Own and it looks like she really wanted to get something new or back but didn't know how to do it. Mrs. Own, your daughter is on the edge of killing herself already and I am sure you that she'll be doing it again so I suggest you all keep an eye on her, here's the pill she'll be taking for the next few months." The door closed and mom sighed.

"If ever you're listening to what I'm saying right now, I want to say that I'm sorry for not keeping an eye on you, for making you feel this way, killing yourself isn't going to make things work that's why I'm begging you, Lyn, don't try to kill yourself again. I'm begging you Lyn as your mother."

Being almost dead can already make a person feel sadness and pain in their hearts.
-Lyn

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Special thanks to Papu_Rha and  for helping me be myself again.

Sorry for the wrong grammar and punctuation but I hope you'll continue reading.

-Author