Addicted

Chapter 33

Karma

"i think we should just talk about it and see what she wants to do " ciara said 

"fuck that .. we can talk but i know her she never want to own up to anything " i said shaking my head

" come on karma .. you cant drill her its just gonna push her away " she said 

" she already gone .. look at her doing drugs and shit she have KIDS ! " i said getting pissed

"calm down before we go in here " ciara said 

i took a deep breath going from 100 back to 10 i already had a bad ass hangover this morning and blogs are trying to put me and trey together  i am  not in the mood for any one shit today . i got out the car with ciara following as i got closer i could hear loud ass music i knocked on the door and rung the door bell about 5 minutes later deric came to the door . he looked high as hell if i must say so myself now i know how she got hooked on this shit i pushed past him walking straight in looking for maiya i seen damon and devon sitting in a corner they looked like they haven't bathed in days .

I felt myself build up with rage as i seen myself as a little girl with that same face they have . maiya came stumbling down the hallway i walked up to her and slapped her she fell to the ground .

"stop deric ! " she yelled 

i frowned snatching her back up pushing her to the wall .

"Hey ! what the fuck are you doing ! " deric yelled 

" stop karma ! " ciara yelled 

" you stupid bitch ! you are so stupid ! " i said pushing her 

"come on kids " i said grabbing dammy and devon hands 

"you cant take them " deric slurred 

" go fuck yourself " i said walking out with them 

i put them in the car and strapped them up ciara came running to the car getting in i strapped up and pulled off . i looked at the kids through the review mirror and sighed i had no idea how i was going to do two more kids but if i just left them there what  kind of person does that make me ... ciara have enough kids at her home and i wont let them go to the system. i pulled up to ciara's house she gave me a hug and told me to call her when i got home on the way home the kids slept i pulled up in my yard and turned the engine off . i seen drew was here so i tried to gain the energy to explain everything .. i know he will be a big help .

i got out the car opening devon side he jumped up .

"its okay baby .. its tt karma " i said grabbing his hand 

he took my hand getting out the car i picked up dammy walking to the door i unlocked it walking in to drew and elana playing just dance and kyrie was sleeping in her rocker .

"mommy is home ! " i yelled 

" devon ! dammy ! " elana yelled running towards devon 

they hugged and ran over to the game i walked in elana room to lay dammy down i closed the door half way as i walked to my room i sat on the bed laying back .

"i wasn't expecting you to be back this early " drew said 

" yeah .. it didn't go well " i said looking up at the ceiling 

" what happned ? " he said laying down on my stomach 

" i hit her .. and choked her " i said getting emotional 

drew looked up at me .

" for what ?" he asked 

" they were both high as fuck they had the kids in a corner they looked dirty .. they just looked like they wanted me to save them i remember being just like that and it made me so angry .. i hate her for this " i said breaking down 

drew sat up holding me as i cried i was so angry with her she knew what my mom did to me and exactly what i went through and for her to even go down the road really pisses me off and im just done with her . i sat up wiping my face and moving my hair out the way i looked at drews  shirt and it was drenched with my tears.

" sorry " i said 

he laughed " dont apologize ma .. im just glad you got it out and i could be here for you " 

i smiled pecking his lips " i dont know what i'd do without you "

"i know its not a good time but .. we need to talk " drew said 

" this sound serious " i said looking in his eyes 

" it is .. bob got me a deal for 10 mill " he said 

" that's great ! you looking sad and shit " i said laughing 

" i gotta go to new york for a couple of months " drew said grabbing my hand 

i snatched it away " what ?" 

"just for a couple of months ima try my best to check in whenever i can i swear " drew said 

" when ? " i said 

" i leave in two days .. " he said 

" and you wait to tell me this now ! " i yelled 

" i didn't wanna hurt you .. or see that look on ya face ... im only doing this for the money i know you just had kyrie i wanna be here and im going to make a way to be here i swear i wont let you do this alone " drew said grabbing my face 

i stared at him then got up walking to my bathroom closing the door locking it .

"Bae ! " drew yelled 

i ignored him ... i dont know how to feel at this point i understand what he doing but he should have been told me . it's not right that he keeping shit from me like this now i have to deal with this shit all alone i dont know how with my store and my shoots coming up i got mad bookings and hosts shit to do .

i went to my drawer pulling out a dub i put all of it in a wood and lit up i hit and instantly calmed down i needed something to ease my mind .. sex just couldn't solve this one.

Maiya 

i sat in the mirror looking at myself i rubbed the bruise that karma put on my face and the black eye deric just gave me . in a way im glad karma took my kids i wouldn't want them to see what just happened to me . as i looked at myself i grew more disgusted  i grabbed the pen and started writing .

Dear Karma

I know you hate me .. i know you always will from now on im sorry the last thing i ever wanted to do was hurt you .. truth is i needed you once i couldn't have you i started looking for someone to make me feel like you did i thought i found it but look where it got me .. we always been there for each other you are my family .. my everything along with our kids and i hope you never forget me .. 

ps: dammy needs treatment .

i took one last good look and  grabbed the gun putting it to my head .... POW!