Same Drugs (Billy Hargrove)

milking it

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The next morning was hell. Everyone, and when I say everyone knew about Billy and I. When I wasn't being looked at and judged by every girl in the hallway, I was being looked at up and down by every guy. I felt a wash of shame go over my body and suddenly felt more insecure than I ever had. I had always had a way about me, not caring at all about anything and keeping my head held high. I liked to come across as someone neutral, and as someone who didn't care what other people thought of them. I was like that for a while, but the morning after the locker fiasco made it damn near impossible for me to pose as that girl any longer.

I hated every second of it. Every person that looked towards me was another bead of sweat formed on my face. "This is awful," I groaned as I walked to lunch with Libby. We were headed towards the cafeteria and, of course, people stared. "What about my sense? Something good this way comes. I swear. And if I'm wrong, blame the tarot cards," Libby reasoned. I wasn't sure what to make of her witchy antics, but they made me laugh nonetheless. As we got to the cafeteria, Sam approached me frantically. "What the hell happened yesterday, are you okay?" He asked, worry evident on his face. I shrugged and frowned slightly, "Haven't you heard? I'm the school slut!" His brows furrowed and he pulled me into a hug, one that I accepted. "Thanks Sam," I said, not about to pass up affection from one of the only people in school not looking at me like I was carrying a disease. "So you don't think I'm a slut?" I asked jokingly, looking up at Sam's face. He gave me a kind smile and hugged me tighter, "My Jamie Harrington?" He asked rhetorically, ", never."

Sam said goodbye and rejoined his friends at his table, Steve already sitting there, watching as Sam came back from where we were once standing. Once I sat down, Steve approached the table. "What's going on, J? We need to talk," He said sternly. My jaw clenched slightly, but I understood where he was coming from, so I rose to my feet. I walked into a nearby hallway with Steve and he put a hand on his hip, in a quite "mom-like" manner I might add, and looked at me expectantly. I took a deep breath and ran a hand through my hair. "You're probably wondering about my locker," I said. Steve nodded with an expression that screamed duh.

"I'm sorry," was all I could manage to say. "No, no, no, no, you don't have to apologize. I just want to know who did it," He said, and I felt relieved immediately. I thought he would be angry, or even disappointed in me for this. "You aren't mad that... you know... me and Hargrove-" I started, but stopped after Steve held up a hand and pinched the bridge of his nose, a look of disgust on his face. "Yeah, yeah, I don't need details, alright? You're free to... you know... with anyone, I'm not gonna be an asshole. I don't like him, but if you do, who am I to stop you from... you know," Steve said. A genuine smile washed across my face for the first time that day at these words and I suddenly lurched forward and hugged Steve tightly. He hugged back and sighed, "You really have to tell me who was spreading this stuff about you, though."

"That's the worst part. I don't even know. I know that Hargrove told people about us, he had to have, he was the only one who knew besides Decker, Oliver, Libby, and Sam, but they wouldn't do something like this. He had to have been the one the spill, but I don't know who spray-painted my locker," I admitted, damn near pouring my heart out about the whole thing.

"Right..." Steve said almost hesitantly, but shook his head after a second. "I'm gonna kick Hargrove's ass, I swear to God," He said. I turned to my right, hearing footsteps coming from cafeteria. "Looks like you won't have to go looking for him," I sighed, noticing that it was, in fact, Billy Hargrove walking briskly towards us. "Shit," Steve muttered. I stepped in front of Steve to say, without words, that I would handle it.

"What do you want?" I said, not in a malicious tone, but one that carried defeat within it. "I've been trying to find you since yesterday, why the hell have you been blowing me off?" He asked quietly, as if he didn't want Steve to hear it. "Is that a serious question?" I asked, bewildered by his lackadaisical attitude about the whole thing. About how much he hurt me. "Serio- Of course it is! Why wouldn't it be a serious question?" He said, looking at me like I was crazy. I scoffed, "After you decided to tell everyone about us," I started, my tone lowering significantly, ", you have the fucking nerve to ask me why I've been avoiding you?"

"Wha-" He started, but continued to talk over him. "Do you know how humiliating that was for me? My locker was one thing, but I thought I could trust you! I thought we could trust each other after everything we talked about! How could I be this stupid?" I scoffed, questioning myself and watching his eyes flicker with emotion. "What the hell are you talking about?" He said, his voice getting shakier than before, more uneasy. "You're the only person who would've told anyone!" I shouted, my voice getting louder and louder, the emotion pulsing through my veins as I spoke to him. "I DIDN'T TELL ANYONE!" He shouted, causing Steve to approach him and slightly push him back. "You need to calm down," he said, lightly shoving Billy back. "THEN WHO DID? DECKER? LIBBY? SAM?" I shouted back, seeing him flinch at one of the names. After he said nothing for a few seconds, looking for the words to say, I filled the silence with my final words to him that day. "You are pathetic," I hissed at him. He said nothing, so I turned on my heel and walked away, my twin following in suit.

Those were the last words I said to Billy Hargrove for a long time.