Why do you get to go back into society as if you didn't leave a head over heels girl for you in shambles almost 7 8 months ago. Why is that okay? You should be paralyzed.. stuck in pain just the way i was in the floor of my bathroom those months after i drank too much. Im happy now. In a better place and in love with a fantastic man. But its like little bits and pieces of you crawl back into my life and i want you GONE. Destroyed. Dead. I know its just my anger speaking though.
I wish youd feel pain.. show it. But of course you feel nothing. You have always felt nothing and will always feel nothing. Exactly as you are. I pray someday my mind lets me forget the horrible things you did and said and I pray im able to fully let go of the past. You still visit me in nightmares snd I wish you wouldnt. Its the times i wake up with a jump, clutching my chest and gasping for air as you disapear from my line of sight as my consciousness wakes up and faces reality. You weren't choking me. You weren't killing me. It was all just a sick twisted nightmare. Sometimes i hear noises and fear its you.. finally coming for me. Its pathetic really how much i realized and feared AFTER the fact of our relationship cuz during you didnt scare me one bit. But when my eyes opened and the fog they called love lifted and hatred opened my eyes i was able to see just how fucked up you are and what you are capable of without feeling a damn true thing is what terrifies me most. I think what terrifies me the most is that you may do this to another girl. I'd try and tell her, or maybe i wouldn't and hope im not the only victim and someone else can tell me im not insane. I just hope karma gets to you while im still here to see it. Ah, sweet karma..
