Soldier

9: It depends on him

I was searching for 'Ant and Dec football' for my new drawing but ended up with 'Ant McPartlin shirtless' whoops🤤

And this video OHHH my heart is melting😍❤️❤️

Hearing those words being said about Ant was one thing but seeing him was a huge difference. Dec grieved the moment he would walk through the monoton white corridors, into the cold white room with the man inside, which wasn't really his Ant anymore.

Just thinking about it made Dec feel sick, he was utterly scared. He wasn't scared about how he looked like, or how he would act. He was scared about the moment he would look into those beautiful hazel (still don't know the eye colors of the boys😂) eyes in which he fell in love with all those years ago and they wouldn't be the same. If they would just look through him, not remembering who he was and being scared of him.

What if Ant wouldn't remember him? What if Ant would feel so terrified, lonely, hopelessness for all his life and Dec couldn't change a thing about it, couldn't help him feel comfortable and safe again?

The small Geordie rolled to his side, almost falling down the sofa but instead being hold back by strong hands, his brothers hands.

"Hey kidda, careful" Martin glanced down his brother, noting how puffy his eyes looked and the tear marks on his cheeks.

Dec sat up against his brothers, leaning his head on his shoulder, searching for comfort, trying so desperately to think that he could do it. Not only for Ant, also for himself. He wouldn't forget himself if he couldn't help Ant.

But every time the 'what if's' came back to his thoughts, throwing him back to be insecure and thinking that he couldn't handle it.

"Penny for your thoughts?" The voice of his brother startled him out of his thoughts, looking up to the familiar face though his eyelashes.

"I am scared Mart.." it came out just as a whisper, but Martin was close enough to hear him and he sighed heavily, knowing so well how hard it would be for his little brother.

"I know mate.." he gently rubbed over Dec's arm, giving him a loving kiss on the sandy brown hair.

"..do you feel like seeing him..? Or should we call our family down and wait? It's your decision and it would be also totally fine if you need time to see him."

Dec stiffened at the thought of calling their family. How would they react? Sarha would be devastated. And Christene..oh and also his parents,they were so close to Anthony. It broke Dec's heart but he knew it wouldn't be right, keeping them in the dark.

"We should give them a call, now." He hesitated for a moment, thinking about if he would be ready to take the step and go to see him. But he also thought about what his brother said to him. It was also about his feelings, he shouldn't put himself into second place, because if he would, he wouldn't cope.

"And I will wait till everyone is here.."

——

The Donnellys plus the McPartlins were arriving together, hearing of the news that Ant was back but not knowing the details, just that it was pretty bad, made them packing up some stuff and driving with the speed of light up to Chiswick.

Martin paced up and down, waiting for their family to arrive, hearing many footsteps approaching he sighed in relieve, knowing that him and Dec wouldn't be alone anymore in this.

The first person who engulfed him into a hug was his mother, gratefully taking the comfort the elder women was radiating.

"Where is Declan?" She asked his son, pulling out of the hug, letting the other gather around Martin.