Soldier

7: Tearing apart

So math was absolutely horror. It would be a miracle if I won't get a 6😂😭 I feel so sorry for the Dec in my story :(

POV Dec

After three weeks lurking around at my parents house, I decided to go back to mine and Ant's house in Chiswick. My family wasn't really keen on that, especially my mam but I needed the feeling of home, of Ant.

I put my suitcase next to the bed and flopped onto the still undone kingsize bed. My hands grabbed the pillow from Ant's side and I snuggled my head into it, taking a deep breath just to smell the scent of him.

Tears, threatened to fall, were now making their way down my cheeks. I tightened the grip around the pillow, wishing it would be Ant and not that damn thing.

I was ripped out of my own misery, as the doorbell ringed. Without even thinking about getting out of bed, I remained in Bed.

After one minute I heard another ring from downstairs, so I rolled down the warm and secure bed and made my way down the stairs, looking rather fragile and sad. Well why wouldn't I be sad, right?

The man behind the door smiled sympathetically at me and pulled me into a tight hug. "Hey Decs, how are you man?" I was glad hearing the Londoner accent from the tall man, that was holding me close to him.

I couldn't hold myself together, so small sobs and sniffs erupted and he pulled away to look at my face. "Oh Decs, it's alright. Let's get you in hmh? Standing here outside is a bit cold" he smiled and rubbed my arm in comfort.

"Thanks Stephen" I murmured between the quiet sniffs and let him inside. He hung up his coat and put his shoes next to mine.

"Fancy a cuppa?" I asked while he sat down on one of the kitchen chairs. My heard tugged a bit as he sat on Ant's chair and I quickly turned around, not wanting to break down just by the sight of someone sitting on his chair.

"Yeah that would be great" he replied, so I focused myself on making the tea, without turning around to meet his concerned eyes.

"So how are you..?" What kind of question is that? Did he thought I would feel like a sparkly little unicorn or what?

"Stephen, don't. I want to avoid this topic okay?" He sighed in defeat and nodded, taking the hot cup of tea from me and putting it down in front of him.

"Well maybe I thought we could do a movie night at mine? David is coming back late so we would be alone for the evening. How would you like that?" He took a sip of his tea and glanced at me with hopeful eyes. I knew he was concerned for me, wanting to get me out of the house, not feeling miserable on my own.

"Hmh...yeah we could do that I guess" he gave me a big and warm smile, before standing up and pulling me into another hug. I didn't really hug back, it felt good the first time but now it didn't. It felt wrong. It wasn't him. It wasn't his arms around me. Not his scent I was taking in. It wasn't my Anth.

He pulled away, might have felt the tension but he squeezed my shoulder and took his phone. "Chinese?" He grinned as my eyes sparked and nodded excited. Everything was better with Chinese.

After we chatted a bit about things like work or how the family is doing, we decided to go down to Stephens and I was looking forward to try and feel a bit better about everything.

I haven't heard of Ant. Not a single message. Not one call. Nothing. And I was more than worried. Martin and the others told me his phone probably got destroyed or they didn't had connection over there but it didn't make the feeling of loneliness and emptiness go away. I always carried those feelings with me, even when he was with me, because I knew he would be gone another time.