dear choi hyunsuk~ (2019)

june 19th

‹ 💌 6.19.19›

I can't believe 200 days have passed already, so much has happened from the day I first laid my eyes on you til now.

Originally I had no intention of writing a big sappy letter for 200 days, not that I had thought the occasion isn't worth it, but more that, I poured the entirety of my heart out for our 100 days, I'm not really good at getting additional feelings out past that, but lately my heart has been brewing something up and I felt the need to once again spill all the love accumulating in my heart. (There's still a chance that I may get repetitive~ I'm sorry)

Sometimes, as days pass, further into the year, the connection a person and their bias hold may falter, they lose interest slowly and end up finding someone else, whether involuntarily or on purpose, but with you, the days only seem to strengthen the love I have. You're the only thing that can get me through my day to day struggles. Knowing my luck, I'm lucky to have any friends and knowing history may repeat itself and they might leave me eventually too, that hurts, but it's not as damaging as it used to be now that I have you. I always can take solace and comfort knowing one thing I will always have, is you, Hyunsuk. I don't want to make the letter sad, but it's just the honesty of what I'm thinking.

I think this time period, from after YGTB to now, is sort of a make or break period, some people have gotten impatient waiting for you guys' debut and they lost their connection with their biases and it's sad to see, but like I said earlier, for me personally this time has just strengthened my love for you. Sure, I'm living off crumbs and the littlest content, but just seeing or hearing anything from you makes me happier than anything else in the world can make me. When there's nothing new to enjoy, I'm perfectly content with rewatching older things over and over again, because watching you puts me into the utmost state of bliss. Hearing your voice, seeing your face, watching you do what you love and excel at it, it sets my heart into a frenzy of butterflies~ Just watching you makes me feel like all there is in the world is just me with my favourite boy, everything around me is blurry and nothing else matters except you !

I never in my life could have imagined I'd ever have someone like you, who gives me such happiness and joy, who can heal my heart and give me motivation to pass on the joy you gave to me. You're so special, one of a kind, I can't exactly put words to it but you're just one of the most spectacular people that have ever been born and I'm so lucky to be able to have you and be able to love you with my whole heart— before you I really don't think I felt this in touch with all my emotions, but especially love~ I'm so lovey dovey with everyone, but especially you. Day to day, you really keep me going, for 200 days now you're just my reason to work hard, my reason to stay positive, to keep going. Everything I do, it's for you~ I wanna make you proud ! You're such an amazing guy, I just really aspire to be like you ^^

Usually for milestones I'll talk about the previous days, the time leading up to the time you write the letter~ But this time, I'm looking to the future. These 200 days have been absolutely so blissful, and filled with a lot of great memories, but by our next milestone, it'll be quite different, presumably. The time of YGTB was quite hectic but after that, on my end anyway(I know you've been a busy bee ㅠㅠ), it's been tranquil with not much going on, but I really think soon you'll be busy with your debut and we'll have more to talk about ^^ I can't wait to be by your side for everything. One thing you can always count on is my support, til my last breath~ you have my love.

I'm really sorry our letter for 200 days was quite the let down compared to the last milestone day letter, I tried my hardest but I didn't want to end up repetitive or anything like that, but even though it was lack luster, it took me a week to write this because I really wanted to put as much love into it as I could manage. My words might fail me, but my heart never will. It beats for you, Hyunsuk~ happy 200 days (>^ω^<)