dear choi hyunsuk~ (2019)

february 19th

‹ 💌 2.19.19›

hi hyunsukkie!!! i was planning to write more in depth again, but i already did earlier so i'll just use that main letter here. i hope you won't mind, have a good day and ily~

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Hello Hyunsuk~ today is a special day. It's another milestone! albeit, nothing particular is happening today; it's only special because it's with you, and you make every day more amazing than I can express with words. I used to have a hard time getting out of bed but since I've had you with me I feel more enthused to do everything, I'm excited to see you, whether it be new or old content, watching you is always a highlight of my day. Hearing your voice, seeing your smile, watching you perform, all of it is so special to me, it doesn't matter how many times I've seen it. You're my day-to-day motivation, I work harder because of you, in anything I do, exercise, art, writing, absolutely anything that requires effort on my part—even something as little as video games (ᵃʰᵉᵐ, ᵖᵉʳˢᵒⁿᵃ ⁵: ᵈᵃⁿᶜᶦⁿᵍ ᶦⁿ ˢᵗᵃʳˡᶦᵍʰᵗ) Joking aside though, I really do work hard because I know that's what you would do, and I always aspire to make you proud~

When you think about it, I've been here to support you, but you've been here to support me too, yeah? I mean think about it, you might not know it directly, and it may not be as effective as it would be if we directly knew eachother, but regardless you just being there, being yourself and existing helps me so much. These days with you have been so remarkably amazing, it's hard to believe it hasn't been as long as it feels in my heart. I guess time spent with those you love truly flies by, I'm always in a state of eternal bliss with you. I never imagined life could be so good before you, you know? I was really having a hard time seeing the good in it but you've really helped reshape my perspective.

I wish I could experience things directly with you sometimes~ I'm often lost in thought, and more often than not you're the center of my thought process. I always enjoy thinking, what kind of things could I do with Hyunsuk? I've told my friends various times, I'd love to play Persona 5 with you. It's my favourite game and you're my favourite boy, I'd be quite curious to see your thoughts on it. I'd love to see you get into it, especially in the palaces. I've already played the game a myriad of times, so I'd steal glances at you when I didn't feel like rewatching a certain part of the game, I imagine if you were having trouble, you'd have this cute focused expression, nose scrunched- anything to that effect. Or alternatively, we don't have to play if you didn't want to, I've mentioned before I'd show you around my town. It's not much, but downtown is really nice so I'd love to have you explore it for a bit— despite it not being the most exciting, it does have its quirks, it's small and cozy. There's a myriad of little shops we could look in~ my favourite is the comic book store, I'm not really into comics but I can appreciate the art, and the size of it makes it cozy as I said a second ago. After that, the scenery is pretty nice as well, there's a big lake we could walk around and admire the view, I imagine if you were enjoying yourself you'd have the cutest inquisitive expression on your face and just thinking about it makes my heart flutter~

I could go on about my daydreams for awhile, so I'll stop myself—but whether it be big or little, doing anything with you would be special and exquisite because you were there with me and you can make anything amazing. I will say though, although it hasn't been directly we have experienced things together, like the vlives, supporting you on your way to debut, it's just special with me to support you through that, and we have a lot more days to go too. I'm just really thankful for you, you know? I really hope one day you know how impactful you've been to my life. You're really special to me, you're the light of my life and also someone I can look up to as a role model. You're right up there with Charlotte, and let me tell you, she's my number one in life— I want to be a wrestler because of her, she's undoubtedly very close to my heart, but you're equal to her. I think it really speaks volumes to what kind of figure you are in my life, never forget how important you are to me, and so many others. That's another thing I really love, you're not just a shining star in my life, but you bring joy to so many people as well, you hold so much value and i'm so thankful you exist.

I'll close up the letter now, yeah? It's probably for the best, I'm very well aware this one, more than the prior letters, are all over the place—but that's just generally how I feel on days like this~ lots of thoughts go through my mind and I just felt the need to verbalize the majority of them. Many apologies if this came off as weird, I only try to spread love, and I have lots of it for you, Hyunsuk~ I love you so much, always.  :')