The Dawn Breaking Over Our Horizon

Untitled Part 10 unedited

A burnt yellow shines past my eyelids, blinding me and awakening the rest of my senses. I moan in sadness at the idea of waking up when staying asleep is much more favorable. The servant who opened the window giggles before apologizing and begins to help me dress for the day. Aside from the midnight outing with my father later tonight, my only plans for the day are to tend to the zen garden behind our house.

Most noble houses in England leave that to their servants, or even employ people for that purpose, but I have always insisted on doing this myself. It stems from a Zen Buddhist meditation practice, tending to the garden and working with nature to create exactly what you want it to will open a path to enlightenment. While I have never actively searched for enlightenment, I find that spending so much quality time with nature can help fill the void in my heart and center my mind.

My red pants billow out towards my feet but come back in to wrap around my ankle to secure the material, allowing for all possible movement for both gardening and martial arts. The matching white shirt with red string around the long drooping hem line in the sleeves fits loosely around my body with slits at the shoulders to allow for movement and air flow. This is my favorite active wear and I let myself be indulgent and ordered several renditions of it so I would always have an opportunity to wear the outfit.

I feel completely free as I walk down the stairs and enter the dining room to have breakfast with my father. It is early, but the both of us appreciate the head start on the day, allowing for more time to do what we wish or to ensure important work is completed on time. I can tell immediately that my father is back to his old ways as the door shuts behind me. Not a word is uttered from his lips while the servants all wish me a good morning and move to pull out a chair to the right of my father.

My lip trembles almost imperceptibly, only myself and the footman holding out the chair for me can tell, but I bow my head and sit beside him. I force myself to gain control over my emotions and smile, lifting my eyes to the plate being set before me. A warm bowl of sweet congee with sides of eggs, toast, jam, and a creamy cup of matcha green tea steaming in an English tea set. I should have known last night was just a fluke, I had told myself it was over and over again. Yet it seems as though my heart was set on believing a major change took place, much to my dismay.

The footman who helped me with the chair places a soothing hand upon my shoulder and offers me a small smile in condolence. I suck my bottom lip between my teeth and nod, bearing through my pain and digging into my breakfast, todays work will be long and hard as I have been forced to neglect my duties in the garden the past few days. Lizzie has called upon my time each day now for a while, concerned for the end of the season, asking for help with preparations for parties, wondering how to create different flowers for her embroidery, looking for an opponent of a different discipline, and all other manners of trivial pursuits. I of course, could not help myself but indulge her, I could never refuse Lizzie.

The rest of the meal passes in silence, the only sounds being our chewing and the clack of our silverware hitting the china. Not much time passes before my father leave the house for work and only says goodbye to me as an afterthought, conveniently forgetting to properly excuse himself in the process. I purse my lips in a tight smile and close my eyes, nodding slightly as my goodbye, which of course goes unnoticed by him.

Silver mixes with white as I play with my food for a moment longer after my father leaves for the day. Suddenly loosing my appetite due to his cold treatment of me. Finally, after another ten minutes just sitting there like a fool, I sigh and push back from the table, "Mary, I am finished. Would you be so kind as to finish cleaning up? Also, let Toddy know that for lunch today all I shall want is an apple and some bread along with a little tea, Earl Grey for today, I think. Working in the garden today will not allow much of a break I am afraid."