life is beautiful • gustav åhr

23

G: im omw. we gotta talk

CJ: doors unlocked.

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  "So you just weren't going to tell me?" Gus spoke through a clenched jaw the minute he opened the door. He had let himself into the apartment and found CJ doing homework at the kitchen island.

"What're you talking about, Elijah?" The girl asked calmly. She didn't even look up from her laptop as she spoke. She knew Gus had come home a couple of nights ago, but had no interest in reaching out. She suspected that he might stop by, though.

She was right.

"I'm talking about my fucking baby, Jo." He growled.

CJ slowly closed her laptop and met Gustav's eyes. She wasn't expecting him to react this way- she never really expecting him to react at all.

"Who told you, anyway?"

"Why didn't you?!" Gus raised his voice, throwing his hands in the air out of frustration. He felt the threat of tears sting his eyes and he tried to make contact with the girl's.

CJ rolled her eyes, causing Gus to get even more upset. "Take a guess."

"Don't fucking act like that." he scoffed. "You know you should have told me. That's my fucking baby."

"Actually?" The petite girl stood up now, pointing towards herself. "This is my fucking baby. And I'm doing this myself."

Angry, she started towards the living room but Gus caught her by her arm. She spun around to look at him, ready to continue arguing.

"You don't have to do this by yourself, CJ."

"Don't fucking touch me." The blonde pulled her arm away from his grasp. Gustav then wrapped both of his arms around CJ, hugging her tightly despite her efforts to pull away.

"I'm right here, boo. Tell me what's going on. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere." He spoke softly. CJ stopped fighting, but didn't hug him back.

"But you weren't here." She mumbled into his chest. "And when you were here..." she trailed off. Gus didn't say anything back- he couldn't. He felt awful.

"We can make it work."

CJ pulled away.

"Oh, we're just gonna 'make it work'? Should I just bring the baby on your drug-filled tour bus? Maybe one of your little groupies can babysit." She said sarcastically. "Do you know how embarrassing it was watching you perform the other night?"

"Cassie."

"Don't." CJ held up her hand to stop Gus from speaking any further. Exhausted, she turned away, walking up the stairs to her bedroom.

"Where the fuck are you going?" Gus called after her.

"To ask Layla to be our fucking nanny." She called back before she slammed the door.

Frustration took over Gus as he paced the hallway. He knew why she didn't want to tell him, but he was  willing to do anything to keep CJ and this baby in his life.

This is the thing that made him want to live past 24. That was his whole future upstairs in that bedroom.

Suddenly, it became clear to Gus what he had to do to prove himself to the girl he loved. He quickly made his way to the downstairs bathroom and opened the toilet lid. He carefully emptied his pockets and held the two small bags in his hands.

"This is it." he thought, chewing his lip nervously. He threw it into the bowl and raised a shaking hand to flush it. A sense of relieve mixed with anxiety flooded over him as he watched it flush down. He flipped off the light and made his way to CJ's room.

Gus pushed the door open just a crack, allowing him to see that the girl was lying in bed, her face illuminated by the phone in her hands. She didn't say anything as Gus crawled into bed next to her- too distracted by her phone. He moved closer, wrapping his arm around her. When she didn't yell at him like he expected her to, he placed his hand on her belly, rubbing over the slight bump.

"Hey little dude." He whispered.

CJ laughed softly, switching her phone to video mode to record the wholesome moment.

"I hope you come out looking like your momma." Gus chuckled. "I really hope you're not like me. But I'ma love you anyway. You're gonna be so cool- flexin' on all the other toddlers at daycare and shit... I already love you so much." Gus kissed CJ's belly and rested his head on it. The girl smiled, setting her phone down and running her fingers through the boy's bleached hair.

"Gus..."

"I don't wanna fight no more, baby, please." Gus pleaded, nuzzling into her side.

"We still have to talk," She sighed. "If you're being serious about staying, and being in the baby's life..."

Gustav sat upright in the king sized bed. "I am serious about this. I will do whatever you need me to do, Jo."

"I just...No more drugs, please. Not even weed, Gus. Nothing."

"Done." Gus grinned brightly.

"I'm being serious." CJ deadpanned.

"I'm being serious! If that means no more touring then fuck it. I don't have to be Lil Peep. I'll work at a Starbucks or some shit. I'm ready, baby. I want this."

CJ chewed her lip in thought. She wants to believe that Gustav is ready to step up and be a parent, but she knows it not going to be as easy as he's thinking it's going to be.

"When's the last time you took something?" She asked quietly.

"The other night, on the bus. I didn't take shit today, on God." Gus defended quickly.

"And you're ready to just... stop?"

"Baby," Gus took the girls dainty hands in his, "I'm telling you. I'm ready to do anything you need me to do to be a dad. I'll stay here while I- uh- detox or whatever, so you know I'm not doing anything... if you'll let me."

A huge smile grew on CJ's face as pulled her man into a tight hug. Gus couldn't help but laugh as he hugged her back, swaying her a bit. He playfully pushed her back onto the bed and covered her face in kisses, causing the girl to squeal.

// I'd super love some support, comments, etc! let me know how you feel about this so far! 🥺❤️ love y'all!//