Here goes nothing, Jack thinks to himself as presses export on the video file. For the past week this video has been all he has been working on and without the help of Fraser, James and Aria the video still would be nowhere near done. It's not only the biggest but also the most life changing video he has ever made.
After just a couple of days staying at Fraser and James' place Jack knew that he only had two options, Sonny or safety. While the choice should've been easy it wasn't, not at all. From a young age Jack had always been told that being gay or displaying feminine behavior of any kind as a boy was wrong. His dad would tell him about how gay people where sick and needed help, he'd call them faggots and his mum would always tell him off for acting too girly. How is walking a certain way girly? Jack of course grew up to be a masculine and homophobic young lad and when he started his YouTube channel he definitely made fun of people who weren't the same as him. Slacking more feminine or queer guys off is what got him into commentary and then he met versacetouch, the guy behind the mask, he met Sonny Robertson and he felt things he knew he shouldn't feel. Things that would without a doubt send him to hell.
Sonny seemed to see right through Jack and made move after move, no matter how cold or distant Jack acted Sonny persisted. Not in a creepy or boundary crossing way, more so in way that Jack needed to be confronted. You see Jack has always liked guys, he just never allowed himself to feel anything like that, he always locked his feeling for guys far away and threw the key away. But his feelings for Sonny? He couldn't lock those away, they were simply just too strong. He started giving into Sonny's touches and the night after the first time they kissed he cried himself to sleep because he knew his father would disown him if he ever found out. After the first time they had sex Jack didn't speak to Sonny for a week and he even considered ending his life, because what he was doing was committing the worst crime in his families eyes and so in his as well. It may sound a bit extreme and dramatic to others, but when you grow up to be the one thing you were always thought to hate, that's not an easy thing and it makes sense that it leaves a stamp on your mental health.
But while Jack went through all that and he continuously pushed Sonny away the Essex guy never left. He always welcomed Jack back with open arms and no matter how bad their arguments got he never used any of it against the Irish boy, which is quite something when you're just fifteen and seventeen. Slowly but surely Sonny became Jack's safe haven and he finally felt comfortable enough to tell Brooklyn, at the time only Sonny's roommate, about their relationship and doing so lifted a huge weight of his shoulder, because if Brooklyn reacted so positively maybe everyone else would too? So step by step with the support of his boyfriend and his best friend Jack started coming out to more and more of his mate and he got a bit more comfortable with himself. Though never comfortable enough to tell his parents, no a little part of him still believed in the things his parents had told him about homosexuality and that part has always withheld him from truly living his life to the fullest. But that part was also safe and familiar so Sonny asking him to finally tell his parents, well that scared him so much. Because if he came out to his parents that little safety net of his would completely be gone and while his parents may have thought him some hateful things, he still loves them more than anything.
