Women Of Steel | ✔

XL

As a child, I was one of the last of my mates to learn how to swim. By six many of my peers could swim well, by six  I was still running from the water. It took four more years before I could surrender and learn. My father took one look at me and handed me over to my mother, as he usually did when I was being difficult. My mother wasn't a better teacher either but slowly, after watching children my age flaunt their kicks and strokes, I was determined to learn. I conquered my fear with another fear.

I don't have bad memories of water, I'm not scared of it's appearance or the secrets it shields. I am scared of losing control. The water is a being of it's own, it has life and while one is in it, one must surrender all control or clash and drown. The water is a fierce spirit, if you fight it, then it will fight back and you cannot win.

Control is something I am obsessed with, even from childhood. I liked making my decisions and I liked having a say in whatever I do, but I cannot control water, I can only relinquish control and let it guide me.

Letting go is harder than holding on.

I lost all say in my life when I was bartered off to Tadenikawo, and I fear losing that control again.

I thrash against the water, but Ejiro's strength is more than mine and I can only hold my breath for so long. The need to breath is far stronger than any power I might have. I swat my arms blindly in the water, eyes shut tightly in fear.

Surrender all control.

Ejiro lets go for a single moment and I rise up, gulping in fresh air, glimpsing the crescent moon and the trees surrounding us. I am shivering now, almost convulsing in fear, I have no strength to oppose her when she reaches and dunks my head back into the water.

My battle continues and I refuse to let go.

Fighting against an opponent mightier than me is foolishness. I open my mouth, gulping in water greedily and water rushes into my ears. The water no longer feels cold against my skin, my body is used to it, hardly can I feel anything other than mind numbing fear.
I'm slowly dying, I feel the fight leaving my body, my limbs growing weak and my eyes tightly shut, refusing to open.

Surrender all control.

I kick uselessly, reaching for anything to grip onto, to hold. This is the end.

So I let go.

***

I jolt awake suddenly, staring up at the stars. I blink twice and shiver at the cool blast of air, my teeth begins to chatter helplessly and the sudden sound of shuffling draws my attention. I struggle to sit up and stare right in the face of an equally wet Ejiro. She flicks her eyes to me briefly before turning to the sticks in front of her.

I study her almost in fascination, anger will come, but later and slowly. Her uli marks are still intact but beginning to fade, the marks are drawn to last for eight days, scrubbing doesn't take it off.
Her clothes stick to her body and jealousy rears it's ugly neck. She is stunning, no man will look at her without sneaking another glance again.

I feel a stab of twisted satisfaction as she tries and fails to light a fire, at least she is not all perfect.

"Why?" My voice comes out a weak croak.

For a long moment, she doesn't answer, not until her efforts yield a spark of fire. Relief lights up her face and fades as the spark dies, leaving embers. Ejiro abandons the sticks altogether.

"You are one of a kind. You act tough and you are tough, you are selfish, brash, rude and all bad attitudes rolled into one big mistake. There is barely anything redeeming about you and you know it, you fear it." Ejiro muses aloud, my lips pucker in an angry pout and slowly, I feel anger heating up my body. "So you clench on to the one thing that continues to slip from your fingers."